The Anime-zing Race

Episode Two

Author’s Notes
I’m writing episodes in advance again, so I’m going back to writing Author’s Notes using the old Animation Survivor technique: The notes at the end of the chapter are written right after I finish writing, to clarify on things in the episode and such. These that you’re reading right now are written right before posting, to comment on reviews and such. First off, I think the mere presence of Tomoyo should dispel any notions that this follows AA canon (especially if you picked up on what happened to her). I also do consider the dub of Frontier as having improved, although that may be because the episodes are just getting good. When we hit episode 40 and the plot suddenly turns to crap… we’ll see.

Recap

Naru: (VO) Last time, on the Love Hina leg of the Anime-zing Race…

(Various recap of highlights from Episode One, showing whatever is appropriate.)

Naru: (VO) Eleven teams began the race from the small island of Okinawa. Aggressive tactics early in the race began to annoy some teams…

Arima: (VO) It’s not really necessary. We all made the first boat easily. I don’t think we need to be that competitive this early.

Naru: (VO) Some teams formed alliances early on.

Meiling: (VO) Sakura and Tomoyo didn’t even beat Team Princess to the ferry. They need our help.

Naru: (VO) While Gary and Samuel found Dr. Seta and won the Fast Forward, much to the chagrin of the other teams.

Brock: (VO) It surprised me a little to hear that they’re going for the Fast Forward. It’s so early in the race, and I think using it now could hurt them later on.

Naru: (VO) In the end, through skill, sacrifice, and a little bit of luck… the teams arrived at the Pit Stop outside Tokyo. Unfortunately, Aeka and Sasami were the last team to arrive, and were the first team to be eliminated.

(Rapid shots of each of the ten teams in various positions along the first leg.)

Naru: (VO) Now, ten teams are still in the race…

(Shot of the Pit Stop mat at the Hinata Inn, with nobody standing around it.)

Naru: (VO) Who will be eliminated tonight?

 

**** THE ANIME-ZING RACE ****
11 TEAMS OF 2:
TAKUYA & ZOE (The Digi-Destined- Digimon)
SAKURA & TOMOYO (The Best Friends- Cardcaptor Sakura)
SPIKE & JET (The Bounty Hunters- Cowboy Bebop)
ASH & BROCK (The Trainers- Pokémon)
AEKA & SASAMI (“Team Princess”- Tenchi Muyo) {ELIMINATED}
MISATO & RITSUKO (The “NERV Girls”- Evangelion)
SYAORAN & MEILING (The Cousins- Cardcaptor Sakura)
TAKATO & HENRY (The Tamers- Digimon)
YUKINO & ARIMA (The Dating Couple- Kare Kano)
KIYONE & MIHOSHI (The Police Officers- Tenchi Muyo)
GARY & SAMUEL (The Grandson/Grandfather- Pokémon)

12 LEGS…
15 SERIES…
5 COUNTRIES, 2 PLANETS, 3 DIMENSIONS, AND A SPACE STATION…
**** THE ANIME-ZING RACE ****

 

Leg Two
(Various shots of the grounds of the Hinata Inn, inside and out. Shot of Naru, walking along the hot springs.)
Naru: This is the Hinata Inn, a girl’s dormitory on the outskirts of Tokyo, and the first Pit Stop in the race.

(Shot of Misato and Ritsuko checking into the Pit Stop.)

Naru: (VO) Teams came here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period…

(Shot of Zoe, scarfing down food as fast as poor little Shinobu can replace it.)

Naru: (VO, continuous) …that allows them to eat,

(Shot of Misato and Mitsune, furiously chugging down mugs of beer, as the others watch and cheer on. Finally, Mitsune gives in and collapses. Misato finishes her mug, slams it down, and raises her arms in victory.)

Naru: (VO, somewhat annoyed) Drink…

(Shot of an indoor jungle that serves as Kaolla Su’s bedroom. Ash and Brock seem perfectly content sleeping there, while Yukino and Arima have a slight case of the jitters.)

Naru: (VO) Sleep…

(Shot of Kiyone and Jet, trading “war” stories.)

Naru: (VO) …and mingle with the other teams.

(Naru stands in an empty room with a route marker flag and a clue envelope.)

Naru: The ten teams waiting here have no idea what's in store for them. They have to figure out for themselves how to get to the next yellow and red route marker by solving clues they'll find in sealed envelopes.

(Shot of Mihoshi, Kiyone, Zoe, and Misato relaxing in the twilit hot springs.)

Naru: (VO) Will the friendship between several of the women become more competitive?

(Shot of Ash and Brock checking in, both exhausted after outrunning Aeka and Sasami.)

Naru: (VO) And will Ash and Brock, currently in last place, find a way to stay in the game?

 

(Shot of Gary and Samuel checking in first.)

Naru: (VO) Gary and Samuel, who were the first to arrive at the Pit Stop at 4:37 PM…

(Now, Gary and Samuel are at the Pit Stop, before sunrise.)

Naru: (VO) …will depart at 4:37 AM.

(Gary rips the clue open and hands Samuel the money to count.)
[GARY & SAMUEL- Grandson / Grandfather- First to Depart]
Gary: (reading) Take a taxi to the Tokyo Metropolitan Government building in Shinjuku and find the route marker on the observation deck of the south tower.

(Samuel finishes counting.)

Samuel: We’re good.

Gary: Let’s go.

Gary: I don’t feel nervous having used the Fast Forward already. We just needed a little bit of a kick start after some trouble early on. Now we’re in first, and we plan to stay there for a long time.

 

(Gary and Samuel run down the stairs and out into the alley. Samuel is huffing somewhat.)

Gary: You okay, Grandpa?

Samuel: (smiling) I’m fine Gary. Those stairs are nothing compared to back home.

(Gary laughs as they step out into the streets. Since it’s not even five in the morning, there’s nobody in sight.)

Gary: Man, it’s dead out here. How the heck do we get a cab?

(After some searching, they find one and hop in.)

Samuel: (VO) This is a great opportunity to share an journey with Gary. I’m hoping to prove that you’re never too old to enjoy an adventure with your grandson.

 

(Rapid shots of a taxi going to the Tokyo Metropolitan Government tower. Viewers may be more familiar with the distinctly designed tower as the home of Hypnos on Digimon Tamers, the TAC on Blue Seed, and the city government in real life. Now, Kodomo no Omocha’s talent agent, manager, driver and pimp Rei Sagami takes over as host.)
Rei: (VO) Teams have to take a taxi to the TMG towers, Tokyo’s unique version of city hall.

(Shot of the route marker and clue box by a round sofa near a window on the top floor.)

Rei: (VO) Once there, they will find their next clue on the observation deck of the South Tower, on the exact location Akito Hayama first kissed Sana Kurata, popular child actress, and my boss.

 

(Henry finishes reading the clue as Takato listens.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Digimon Tamers- 2^nd to Depart]
Henry: TMG Tower… very nice.

Takato: We’re coming home already.

(They head off to look for a taxi.)

Henry: We both live near Shinjuku, so we’re both familiar with the territory. We’re also familiar with the TMG Towers. You might say we’ve had a few… eventful experiences there. Therefore, we really need to do well while we have this advantage, because it won’t last forever.

(They find a taxi and get in.)

 

(Next in line is Takuya & Zoe. Takuya is running down, while Zoe is behind him, trying to keep up.)
[TAKUYA & ZOE- Digi-Destined- 3^rd to Depart]
Zoe: Why are you in such a rush?

Takuya: Because, Takato and Henry said they were from Shinjuku. They’ve gotta know a shortcut or something!

(Takuya reaches the bottom of the stairs. He stops, somewhat annoyed. Zoe comes down at her own semi-brisk pace.)

Zoe: And where are you from, Mars?

Takuya: Try Meguro.

Zoe: Then stop acting like you have no idea where we’re going. We don’t need their help to get there. We’ll be fine.

(They continue walking at Zoe’s pace, although Takuya grumbles a little about it.)

Takuya: Yeah, she bugs me sometimes. We definitely don’t see eye to eye once in awhile, but that’s not always a bad thing. I mean, with two different opinions, it means one of us has to be right, right?

 

(Henry is carefully guiding the taxi driver as Takato looks out the window.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Currently in First Place]
Henry: There’s a right turn coming up in a few blocks. Be ready for it.

Takato: There’s no way that Gary and Sam know this route.

 

(Back at Hinata, Arima is along the streets, having little luck hailing a cab. Yukino approaches him.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Dating Couple- 4^th to Depart]
Yukino: Any luck?

Arima: No… who would have thought hailing a cab at 5 am would be so difficult? Where were you?

Yukino: Spying on the cowboys. They’re not having much luck either.

Arima: Maybe we should call one.

Yukino: Good idea.

(Yukino goes to a phone booth and places a call.)

Yukino: (VO) Arima is the best partner anyone could ask for. He has something to prove to the world, but he’s not nearly as aggressive or as competitive as I am. He’s calm, and that’s going to be really necessary if we’re going to win.

 

(Spike and Jet are finally able to catch a cab.)
[SPIKE & JET- Bounty Hunters- 5^th to Depart]
Spike: (VO) I think we have a good chance if we just play it cool. There’s a lot of hyperactive children in this race, and there are a lot of these competitions which, quite frankly, don’t need to be won. We’re going to concentrate on the ones that are important, and let the kids have the ones that don’t matter.

 

(The sun is beginning to peak, but the horizon is well obscured by the large towers. Takato and Henry are the first to arrive, running along the plaza and into the lobby. They make a beeline for the elevator, but are stopped by a security guard.)

Guard: Hey hey hey! Where’s the fire?

Takato: We need to get to the observation deck.

Guard: Closed until seven, come back in a couple hours.

Henry: But…

Guard: No buts. Out.

(Takato and Henry try to explain, but the guard doesn’t have it. They leave dejectedly.)

Takato: Great, there goes our lead.

(They exit the building. It isn’t long before Gary and Samuel rush past them.)

Gary: Aw, great, they’re coming back already.

Henry: No, it’s closed until seven. We have to wait.

(Samuel stops, but Gary does not.)

Samuel: I think I’ll believe you. Saves me a run…

 

(Yukino & Arima are in a cab, and come up behind a team.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Currently in 5^th Place]
Yukino: Who’s that?

Arima: Looks like Spike and Jet.

Yukino: Taking their bloody time too. Let’s pass them..

(Yukino leans forward to talk to the driver, but Arima puts a hand on her shoulder.)

Arima: No reason to. We know where we’re going. They’re from Mars, they might not know the way. We don’t want them following us.

(Yukino thinks for a minute then leans back and rests her head on Arima’s shoulder.)

Yukino: (cuddly) Aw… that’s my Arima, always thinking ahead.

 

(Outside the building, Takato and Henry are unwinding with their Digimon card game. Gary watches the match, interested.)

Takato: (playing a card) Okay, and with that, he digivolves to Meramon…

Gary: You know this is a lot more fun in real life.

Takato / Henry: (bored) We know…

(Takuya and Zoe approach them.)

Zoe: Closed until seven, huh?

Gary: Yeah. By the way, I play winner, so don’t bother asking.

Takuya: That’s fine, we don’t want to play anyway.

Zoe: We get enough Digimon battling as it is.

(Henry plays a card.)

Henry: That’ll take care of your Meramon. Show’s over, tune in next week.

Takato: Dang it…

(Takato hands his cards to Gary.)

Takato: Hope you have better luck.

(Henry wipes the board clean to start a new match. Takuya and Zoe walk away.)

Takuya: You know, that’s a lot less fun in real life…

Henry: (bored) We know…

 

(It’s early daylight hours at the Hinata now as Misato & Ritsuko read their clue.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- NERV Girls- 6^th to Depart]
Ritsuko: Tokyo Metropolitan Government building in Shinjuku…

Misato: Oh yeah, I guess the Magi aren’t in charge.

(They move out.)

Ritsuko: (VO) We’re from a different time period, so it does hamper our decision-making a little. Right now, the teams we have to look out for are Takato & Henry, Takuya & Zoe, and Yukino & Arima. They’re from here and now, so it’ll be harder to catch up to them there and then.

(It’s later in the morning, so they have a much easier time catching a cab.)

 

(By now, Takato & Henry, Gary & Samuel, Takuya & Zoe, Yukino & Arima, and Spike & Jet have arrived. All ten are impatiently waiting outside. Jet checks his watch.)
Jet: Ten minutes…

(Meanwhile, Yukino spies Gary and Samuel discussing something in private.)

Samuel: (VO) Last leg, we were caught with our pants down, and weren’t aggressive enough to climb into the lead pack. Now that we used the Fast Forward and got up here, we need to play smart if we want to stay up here.

 

(Sakura and Tomoyo are descending the steps of the Hinata Inn, seemingly in a hurry.)
[SAKURA & TOMOYO- Best Friends- 7^th to Depart]
Tomoyo: We have to hurry, they’re right behind us.

Sakura: (VO) I feel kinda bad not waiting for Li and Meiling to start, but Tomoyo and I both agreed that we have to try to stay ahead of Kiyone and Mihoshi, who were right behind us.

(Indeed, Kiyone and Mihoshi are right on their tails.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- Galaxy Police Officers- 8^th to Depart]
Mihoshi: (VO) Well, our alliance with Aeka and Sasami didn’t quite work out, but we’re still in this race, and we have to keep working if we want to stay in this race.

 

(Inside the tower, a second guard joins the first.)

Guard: Seven already?

Second Guard: Almost. But you can get out of here.

(The guards high-five, indicating a shift change.)

Guard: Thanks.

(The first guard walks out of the building.)

Guard: Another uneventful day…

(The second guard checks his watch.)

Second Guard: Seven o’clock and all’s well…

(Immediately, all ten racers gallop past his desk towards the elevators. The guard looks at them oddly, then checks his watch again.)

Second Guard: 7:01 and all’s well…

 

(The first mad dash of the leg has begun, with all ten in a frantic rush. Takato, Henry, Gary, and Arima seem to be in the lead. Behind them, Yukino and Zoe are neck-and-neck, occasionally throwing arms at each other to knock her opponent down. Spike and Jet break them up, running past them. A slight shove sends Zoe towards the wall, but Takuya runs in, grabs her wrist, and pulls her back into the fray.
They reach the row of elevators. Takato dives for the “up” button, and hits it before he’s immediately shoved to the side by Gary, who does the same thing. Everybody runs towards each of the elevators, checking to see which one will reach the bottom first. After they run around needlessly for about a minute, the far left elevator dings open. Samuel, the last one to arrive, calmly steps into the elevator. He’s joined by Yukino, Takuya, Zoe, Jet, and Gary, who dives for the “close door” button. It’s to no avail, as Arima gets in, as do Takato and Henry before the door begins to close. Spike pops in casually at the very last second.)

Spike: You do know the one closest to the door has the advantage, right?

 

(It’s almost too quiet back at the Inn, where Syaoran and Meiling finish reading their clue.)
[SYAORAN & MEILING- Cousins- 9^th to Depart]
Meiling: I don’t suppose Kinomoto and Daidouji wait for us, huh?

Syaoran: We’re fine.

Meiling: Normally, we wouldn’t count on an alliance to help us out. But we’re in ninth right now, and they’re in seventh. Any help we can get at this point would be very useful.

 

(Ding! On the top floor, nine of the ten pile out and try to find the clue on the observation deck. Samuel conspicuously stays behind. Takato & Henry are the first to find the round seat, the route marker, and the clue box. Gary and Spike are next, both retrieving their clues and opening the envelopes without their partners.)

Takato: Route Info…

Gary: Take a cab to the nearby television station using the listed address…

Spike: …and find the comedian Zenjirou waiting outside.

(Gary takes off, immediately followed by Takato and Henry. Spike calls out to his partner.)

Spike: Found it!

(He’s swarmed by Takuya/Zoe and Yukino/Arima, who run up to him and the clue box.)

Gary: Do it Grandpa!

(Samuel, who was still on the elevator, hits the button to close the door just as Gary enters. However, Takato & Henry, who were right on Gary’s tail, make it in just before the door closes. Spike & Jet are unable to get on.)

Gary: That was our big plan to get ahead of the other teams. The idea was that Grandpa would hold the elevator while I got the clue, then shut it so that only I got on. Takato and Henry ruined that for us.

 

(Rapid shots of a cab driving to a nearby television station. Kodocha’s Misako Kurata, aka Mama, narrates.)
Misako: (VO) Teams must take a cab to the nearby television station where my daughter’s show, “Child’s Toy,” is filmed.

(Shot of the bucktoothed comedian Zenjirou standing outside, flaunting for the camera.)

Misako: (VO) They will find the show’s star, Zenjirou, standing outside. He will give them their next clue.

 

(Finally, the last team, Ash and Brock, run down the stairs to get to a cab.)
[ASH & BROCK- Pokémon Trainers- Last to Depart]
Ash: (VO) We’re almost two and a half hours behind the lead teams so we really have to hurry up to get back into the race. I don’t want to be eliminated next, and I especially don’t want to be eliminated before Gary.

 

(On the elevator, Gary, Samuel, Takato, and Henry wait. Gary breaks an uncomfortable silence.)

Gary: Okay, you two just ruined our plan to get ahead.

Henry: (defensive) No we didn’t, we’re still going to be ahead of the other teams.

Gary: Still… you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for our bright idea, right?

Henry: What are you getting at?

Gary: I think you owe us one. You know where this TV station is?

Henry: I know where the street is. We shouldn’t have a problem finding it.

Gary: How about we follow you then?

Takato: (angry) Why the heck should…

Henry: Sure.

Takato: Henry!?

Henry: Why not? You did help us out, so we should help you. Besides, you’d just follow us anyway, right?

Samuel: Probably.

Henry: Then I don’t see the problem. Here’s to working with you…

(Henry extends a hand, which Gary smiles and shakes. Then Gary shakes Takato’s hand.)

Henry: Early in the race, it’s better to be on everybody’s good side, then to be the team that everybody wants to get rid of. We got some help from Gary and Sam, so we’re going to help them a little bit. It’s not an alliance though. We’re helping each other, but it’s definitely not an alliance.

 

----

 

(Back outside, Takato & Henry and Gary & Samuel successfully hail cabs. Gary and Samuel pile into one as Takato & Henry’s takes off.)
[GARY & SAMUEL- Currently in 2^nd Place]
Samuel: Just follow them, please.

 

(Not long afterwards, Misato and Ritsuko’s cab arrives at around the same spot. Misato pays the driver as Ritsuko looks at the tower, and sees some people running towards them.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- Currently in 6^th Place]
Ritsuko: Misato, I see some other teams.

Misato: (to cabbie) Could you just stay here and wait? We hopefully won’t be too long.

Ritsuko: We’ll leave our bags here.

Misato: Right.

(They start running towards the building, passing Yukino & Arima.)

Misato: That’s our cab, so don’t even think about taking it!

Yukino: (polite) Of course!

(Misato & Ritsuko continue on, passing Takuya & Zoe and Spike & Jet.)

Yukino: (sotto) Damn, they caught up to us.

Misato: Boy, was I relieved when we saw those teams coming out of the tower. I knew we were in front of the second pack, but to see the trailing end of the first pack- that was inspiring.

 

(Kiyone & Mihoshi gather their bags and run towards the tower. Mihoshi is running full speed, while Kiyone is more hesitant.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- Currently in 8^th Place]
Mihoshi: C’mon, let’s go, we have to hurry!

Kiyone: Do you see the girls anywhere?

Mihoshi: Maybe we passed them!

(They run inside, and get to an elevator.)

Kiyone: How about Misato or Ritsuko, they weren’t that far ahead of us.

Mihoshi: Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re at the wrong spot.

(The elevator opens and they step inside.)

Kiyone: I guess not.

 

(Sakura & Tomoyo are also waiting for an elevator.)
[SAKURA & TOMOYO- Currently in 7^th Place]
Sakura: (impatient) Hurry, hurry, hurry…

Tomoyo: (worried) Do you see Kiyone or Mihoshi?

(Their elevator opens. Misato and Ritsuko are inside, and step out, clue in hand.)

Misato: Hi!

Sakura: Hi!

(Misato rubs Tomoyo’s hair.)

Misato: Good luck!

Sakura: Thank you!

(Sakura and Tomoyo step inside, smiling.)

Tomoyo: They’re nice.

Sakura: (nodding) Mm!

 

(Kiyone & Mihoshi are searching the observation deck for the clue, with little luck.)
Mihoshi: Find anything?

Kiyone: No… it has to be around here somewhere.

(After a couple more minutes of searching, Kiyone finally shakes her head.)

Kiyone: This can’t be right.

(Mihoshi pulls out the clue envelope.)

Mihoshi: It says right here, observation deck of the South Tower.

(Kiyone freezes.)

Mihoshi: What?

(Kiyone points to a sign that clearly reads “Observation Deck- North Tower.”)

Kiyone: Mihoshi took us to the wrong tower! So now, thanks to her, we have to go back down, cross over, and take an elevator back up! One of these days, she’s going to give me a coronary. I swear…

(They take the elevator of shame back down.)

 

(Takato & Henry arrive at the television studio and retrieve their bags from the cab. Gary  & Samuel are right behind, and do the same thing. Takato & Henry look around outside.)

Henry: We have to find this Zenjirou guy.

(The blue-suited bucktooth greets them.)

Zenjirou: I’m right here!

Takato: Great! Do you have our clue?

Zenjirou: Don’t you want to talk to me? I’m a big star on the small screen!

Henry: We don’t care, just give us our clue!

(Zenjirou continues to try to hog the spotlight.)

Zenjirou: But this may be your only chance to meet a famous celebrity!

Takato: What was your name again?

Zenjirou: Don’t you at least want my phone number?

Henry: Not really!

(Zenjirou pouts and forks over the clue envelope.)

Zenjirou: I hate this series.

(Takato and Henry head over to read their clue in private while Gary & Samuel get their clue.)

Takato: Detour- Sewers or Streets.

 

(The yellow Detour envelope is held straight up in the air.)
Misako: (VO) A Detour is a choice between two tasks. Each have their own pros and cons.

(A squirrel climbs on the envelope.)

Misako: (VO) In this Detour, teams will need to choose between Sewers and Streets.

(Pan out. The envelope is part of Misako’s head gear, which also includes two arrows pointing in two different directions. Maro-chan, the squirrel that lives on Misako’s head, is quite content climbing the headpiece. Takato and Henry are casting odd glances at the woman, and the squirrel.)

Misako: Ahem…

(Shot of the dark sewers underneath the city.)
Misako: (VO) In Sewers, teams need to reach the fortress of secret organization ACROSS by navigating a maze of sewers leading to it. The sewers are dank, dark, and ACROSS has several booby-traps and other fun surprises waiting for the teams. However, if teams take the right route, they won’t be down there long.

(Shot of several miniature red cars, identical to the one Misako uses in the series, lined up outside the studio.)
Misako: (VO) In Streets, teams must reach the “front” entrance to the ACROSS fortress by using my favorite mode of transportation, the indoor car. Teams will drive their car along a marked route along the street. The conditions are much more favorable, although the route is longer and since I haven’t made modifications to them, they drive pretty slowly.

 

(Takato & Henry ponder the Detour.)

Henry: Let’s do the Sewers.

Takato: Right.

(Meanwhile, Gary & Samuel have the same decision.)

Samuel: I think we’d be better off going into the Sewers.

Gary: Definitely.

(Both teams head for the entrance.)

 

(Back at the tower, Syaoran & Meiling and Ash & Brock are sharing an elevator up, and sharing an uncomfortable silence.)
[SYAORAN & MEILING / ASH & BROCK- Currently Tied in 8^th Place]
Syaoran: (VO) We shared the elevator up with Ash and Brock. It’s a very difficult situation to be in. At the back end of everything, you get so focused on staying ahead that you’re afraid to even talk to other teams.

(The elevator door opens. Sakura & Tomoyo are waiting to descend, clue in hand. Ash & Brock head for the route marker immediately, but Syaoran & Meiling talk with the girls.)

Tomoyo: Hello!

Meiling: Hey, wait up for us okay?

Syaoran: No, go ahead, it’s not right for us to keep you waiting.

Tomoyo: Why don’t we meet you at the bottom and call a cab for you?

Meiling: Okay!

Sakura: See you down there!

(Sakura and Tomoyo get on the elevator while Syaoran & Meiling head to the marker. There, Ash is reading the clue while Brock had been listening to the conversation.)

Ash: TV studio. Okay.

(They head back to the elevator while the Li duo get their clue.)

Brock: I think Sakura & Tomoyo are holding a cab for Syaoran & Meiling.

Ash: So they’ll get ahead of us?

Brock: Yep.

(Syaoran & Meiling arrive as an unoccupied elevator opens and both teams step in. Ash looks inside the envelope and pulls out the Fast Forward clue.)

Ash: Brock, maybe we should think about going for the Fast Forward.

Brock: Already? Wouldn’t it be better to save it?

Ash: We’re in last place as it is, it might be a good time to use it.

Meiling: Man, what is it with us?

(Brock and Ash look at Meiling, who is quite perturbed.)

Meiling: Is it the way we smell or something? What is it that makes everybody go for the Fast Forward when they’re stuck with us??

Syaoran: First Gary & Sam, now you two. It’s a little bothersome.

Ash: Uh…

 

(The green Fast Forward envelope is held out. Offering the explanation this time is cute little Puchiko from Di Gi Charat. Hey- I had to get them in somewhere!)
Puchiko: (VO) There’s only one Fast Forward hidden on each leg of the race-nyu. The first team that finds it gets to skip everything and go straight to the Pit Stop-nyu. But once a team uses the Fast Forward, that team can never use another one for the rest of the race-nyu. They need to decide when it's best to go for it-nyu.

(Rapid shots of a cab leading to Gamers in the Akihabara district.)

Puchiko: (VO) The Fast Forward on this leg is hidden in the Gamers store in Akihabara-nyu.

(Shots of a large wall of DVDs and Puchiko’s alien companion Dejiko.)

Puchiko: (VO) To win it, the team needs to buy a DVD of the series Excel Saga-nyu. After making the purchase, Dejiko will give them the Fast Forward-nyu. That is, if she behaves-nyu.

 

(In the sewers, dark, but not dark enough for them to not be able to see. Naturally, the alleys are wide and spacious. Gary is running ahead, while Takato, Henry, and Samuel trail behind, walking.)
[GARY & SAMUEL / TAKATO & HENRY- Currently Tied in First Place]
Gary: Grandpa, we can get ahead of them!

Samuel: Now now, we’re in the lead. There’s no sense in unnecessary competition. Besides, Takato and Henry helped us.

Henry: You just don’t want to run, do you?

Samuel: You can say that again.

(Gary remains ahead, but slows to a walk.)

Gary: Look, we all agreed that this isn’t an alliance. It’s every team for themselves, and if

we can get ahead, we should…

(Gary takes the wrong step, and a net raises from the floor, ensnaring Gary above the other three.)

Samuel: (looking up at Gary) This must be one of those booby-traps the squirrel woman told us about.

Takato: (beginning to run ahead) Well, every team for themselves, so…

Henry: (reprimanding) Takato! We might as well help him!

(Takato, Henry, and Samuel work to get Gary freed.)

 

(At the studio, Arima is looking through the Detour clue.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Currently in 3^rd Place]
Arima: Let’s try the cars. They shouldn’t be that much… Yukino??

(Yukino is having Zenjirou autograph one of the clues.)

Yukino: Keep talking. As long as we’re talking we’re productive, and as long as we’re productive… it’s okay for me to stop and get Zenjirou’s autograph.

Arima: As I was saying, taking a car shouldn’t be that much slower, and looking at this map of the sewers, we could get lost very easily.

(Yukino puts the autograph away.)

Yukino: Okay then!

 

(Brief flashes of the following teams as they arrive at the Detour, with following captions. They all choose Sewers.)
[TAKUYA & ZOE- Currently in 4^th Place]
[SPIKE & JET- Currently in 5^th Place]
[MISATO & RITSUKO- Currently in 6^th Place]
[SAKUYA & TOMOYO / SYAORAN & MEILING- Currently Tied in 7^th Place]

(Ash & Brock arrive. Ash opens the Detour envelope.)
[ASH & BROCK- Currently in 9^th Place]
Brock: See what the Detour is, then we’ll decide if we want the Fast Forward.

Ash: Sewers- Navigate…

Brock: (interrupting) Fast Forward.

Ash: Yep.

(They jump back into the taxi and speed towards Akihabara.)

Brock: As soon as I heard the word navigate, I knew we couldn’t take chances. Considering how often we get lost on the road, I doubt the sewers would be kind to us.

 

(Takato, Henry, and Samuel have succeeded in getting Gary down and they have all reached the sacred headquarters of ACROSS. They are greeted by company CEO Il Pallazzo, the evil mastermind that dresses the part with heavy overflowing robes.)

Il Pallazzo: (loud, booming) Welcome to ACROSS headquarters! You are the first teams to arrive!!

Takato: (confused) Is this the Pit Stop?

Il Pallazzo: (loud, although not as booming) No. I just wanted to say that. Phil rules. When ACROSS overthrows this planet, I have so ordered that Phil Keoghan be spared!

Gary: Over here!

(Gary finds the clue box, retrieves an envelope, and opens it.)

Gary: Route Info- Take a train to the Kurata-ya hot springs in Kusatsu.

 

(Rapid shots of a train leaving Tokyo towards Kyoto. Since Il Pallazzo is such a big Keoghan fan, he takes over for Misako.)
Il Pallazzo: (VO) Teams must travel more than 200 miles to the city of Kusatsu, just east of Kyoto. Once there, they will need to find the Kurata-ya hot springs, owned and operated by Sana Kurata’s grandparents… at least until ACROSS takes it over, which if all goes to schedule will be some time over the next eight months. To get to Kusatsu, teams will need to take one of two types of bullet trains. The first train, the Nozomi, departs at 9:53, but requires a reservation. Fortunately, the glorious organization ACROSS has arranged reservations for the first five teams that arrive. All others will be forced to grovel their way onto one of the slower Hikari trains, which will arrive over a half hour later.

 

(Meanwhile, Yukino and Arima are putzing along in their little red cars. There is a lane that has been marked off for them, but since they’re only going about 10 MPH, they are being passed frequently.)

Yukino: Arima? We’re going awfully slow. Maybe we should switch.

Arima: Look at it this way. At least we won’t be getting lost in the sewer.

Yukino: Driving like this is more humiliating than getting lost in a sewer, Arima.

Arima: How do you figure?

Yukino: In the sewer, you don’t have people laughing at you from their cars!

 

(Takuya and Zoe, meanwhile, are trying to figure out where they’re going in the sewer.)
Zoe: (reading a map) Are you sure we’re going the right way?

Takuya: I don’t know. Weren’t we supposed to make a right turn somewhere?

Zoe: Well, here’s a right turn.

(They round the corner. Zoe checks the map.)

Zoe: Let’s see... now I think we just have to make a…

(Takuya’s eyes pop out and he starts tapping Zoe on the shoulder.)

Takuya: Zoe… Zoe!!

Zoe: Takuya, I’m trying to figure out where the heck we are…

Takuya: ZOE!!

(Irritated, Zoe looks up at Takuya.)

Zoe: Look Takuya, we’ve already been here too long! It’s dark, it’s smelly, and I’m starting to get this funny feeling we’re lost. Now unless you have any bright ideas to get us out of here, just shut up and let me try to figure out where we’re going! Capisce??

Takuya: (calm) As a matter of fact, I do have a bright idea…

(Takuya points to his left.)

Takuya: How do you say “run like hell” in Italian?

(Zoe looks to her right. A big giant sewer monster has been standing in front of them for some time. It looks pissed. Zoe freaks out and both run like hell. Tonzura koite!)

Takuya: Zoe! In here!

(The two duck into a side “street” and the monster runs past. Takuya and Zoe sigh in relief. The monster hears the sigh and charges back at them. It spits some sort of goo at them.)

 

----

 

(Spike and Jet apparently had less trouble with the sewers, and are near the exit.)
Jet: Exit should be in here.

Spike: That wasn’t so bad. Although you’ve got something on your head…

(Jet looks up. He has a small, furry, and adorably cute little Puchuu on his head.)

Spike: How cute.

Jet: (caustic) Yeah. No wonder I feel so light and carefree. Spike?

(Spike karate chops the thing off. Puchuu suddenly turns into an ugly little thing and groans as it falls off Jet’s head. They both enter Headquarters and go for the clue box. They are both surprised to see Misato and Ritsuko already there.)

Jet: How the hell did you girls get ahead of us?

Ritsuko: We just have a feel for these secret underground bases…

(Misato turns to Il Pallazzo.)

Misato: Incidentally though, those sewers really don’t do much for the atmosphere. Ever considered adding a geofront?

Il Pallazzo: (menacing) I heard those were expensive.

Misato: Nah, you just have to find the right dealer.

(Misato hands Il Pallazzo a business card.)

Misato: Talk to these guys. They did wonders with ours!

(Misato bids the evil mastermind farewell as she, Ritsuko, Spike, and Jet exit.)

 

(The spider has left Takuya and Zoe hanging off the wall, trapped in white goo.)

Takuya: Hey Zoe… can you reach your D-Tector?

Zoe: Nope… can you?

Takuya: No, but it wouldn’t matter. This place has a weird smell to it. I’m afraid to light a match.

Zoe: Shh… do you hear somebody?

(Nearby, Sakura, Tomoyo, Syaoran, and Meiling are exploring the sewers together.)

Meiling: Okay, I’m starting to think we’re lost. Kinomoto, what’s the map read?

Sakura: I thought this was the right way, but the way out isn’t showing up yet!

Syaoran: You’re probably reading the map wrong.

Tomoyo: It is awfully dark.

Sakura: No… it’s not that dark. That’s not the problem.

Tomoyo: Yes it is. Because of the dim lighting, none of your features are being highlighted. I can’t see any light shining off your cheek bones. That’s very unfortunate, because Sakura’s cheeks should be fully accented by light so we can see every dimple on her face!

(Cue the massive face fault.)

Takuya: (OS) Hey!

(Tomoyo turns the corner to find Takuya and Zoe stuck up there. She smiles.)

Tomoyo: Having problems?

Zoe: Could you please get us down from here?

Takuya: We can work together to get out of here!

(Syaoran, Meiling, and Sakura arrive.)

Syaoran: But we’re supposed to be against each other. We’re enemies.

Takuya: C’mon buddy, a little cooperation never hurt anybody. We’ll owe you guys big time. We won’t forget this, um… what were your names again?

Sakura: Li! We have to help them!

Syaoran: Okay… fine...

(They eventually are able to smash the two out of the goo as Sakura VO’s)
Sakura: (VO) We had to help them! It’s only right. We’re all down here in this place, and we all want to get out. As far as I’m concerned, we’re in this together!

(Now free… a little sticky, but free… Takuya and Zoe thank the Cardcaptor kids.)

Zoe: Molto grazie!

Tomoyo: Now, let’s compare maps and see where we’re supposed to go for real.

(Sakura, Tomoyo, and Zoe do so. Meanwhile, Syaoran leans over towards Takuya.)

Syaoran: What’s “molto grazie” mean?

Takuya: I don’t have a clue…

 

(Shibuya Station. Takato and Henry run up to the bullet train ticket counter.)

Henry: (VO) The station we need to get to is downtown, but we knew that the bullet train has ticket counters all over Tokyo. So we decided to stop at Shibuya Station and try to pick up tickets there.

(After talking for awhile, Takato and Henry are both given their tickets for the Nozomi train.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- First Team on Nozomi Train]
Takato: Great. Now that that’s out of the way, we can just take a train downtown from here and we’re good.

Henry: Yeah. And I don’t think Gary and Sam thought of doing this.

(After a brief wait, they board a train to connect to the bullet train station.)

 

(At street level, Yukino and Arima reach the end of the course, and descend into the Headquarters. They greet Il Pallazzo, who is talking on a cell phone.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Currently in 5^th Place]
Il Pallazzo: Hm… buy one geofront, get a second at half price? That’s tempting…

(Yukino gets the clue, and reads it.)

Yukino: There are reservations for the Nozomi train for the first five teams… we’d better hurry.

Arima: Sooner we get out of here, the better.

 

(Meanwhile, in Akihabara, Ash and Brock arrive at Gamers and walk up to the store clerk, the green-haired cat-based alien Dejiko.)
[FAST FORWARD- Buy Excel Saga DVD]
Ash: Uh, excuse me, ma’am, where are your DVD’s?

Dejiko: On the big wall of DVD’s over there-nyo.

Brock: Ah. Good spot for them.

(The wall is very extensive, but after rigorous searching, Ash manages to find it. They take it to the check-out and purchase it.)

Brock: So where’s the Fast Forward?

Dejiko: Inside-nyo.

(Ash proceeds to open the case. Or, at least… attempt to open it. He has problems.)

Brock: Come on Ash, you have to be smarter than the box.

Ash: How long are your fingernails? Maybe you should try.

Dejiko: Need help-nyo? Hold it up for a second.

(Ash does so. Dejiko jumps backwards.)

Dejiko: MEKKARA BEAM!!

(Her eye beam blasts the case towards the back wall. Ash and Brock run after it and pick it up- the plastic wrapping and stickers have all evaporated.)

Brock: Nice! How’d you learn how to do that?

Dejiko: When you work here, you learn certain ways to unwrap those damn things-nyo.

(Ash retrieves the clue from inside and reads it. At least the DVD is still in there!)

Ash: Congratulations, you have won the Fast Forward. Go directly to the Pit Stop- the ski slopes near Kusatsu.

 

(Rapid shots of the train again, leading to a lodge at the base of a ski slope. Excel herself narrates, although you have permission to imagine her Japanese voice. Mitsuishi good. Calvello bad.)
Excel: (VO) After a glorious victory in Akihabara, Ash and Brock have won the Fast Forward!! That means they get to skip everything and go straight to the Pit Stop! Although that does mean they won’t get to meet my beloved leader, your beloved leader and everybody’s beloved leader Lord Il Pallazzo, it does mean that they can go straight to the ski slopes near Kusatsu without having to go through some challenges, which would waste their time and possibly force them to tap into their emergency food supply. I, on the other hand, am a little hungry. Where are ya Menchi?

(Menchi, the poor dog serving as Excel’s emergency food supply, yelps in the background.)

 

(A slightly depressed Kiyone and Mihoshi arrive at Il Pallazzo’s lair. Il Pallazzo is out of the way, still discussing his geofront on the phone.)

Kiyone: I don’t even want to look in there, Mihoshi. I know we’re in last. Just read me the clue.

(Mihoshi looks inside.)

Mihoshi: One question Kiyone?

Kiyone: Yes?

(Mihoshi holds out five clue envelopes. Kiyone immediately livens up.)

Mihoshi: Which clue do you want?

Kiyone: You’re kidding me! There’s… there’s five in there? That means we’re in sixth! We’re back in the race!

(Mihoshi keeps one and puts the other four back in the box. She opens the clue up and reads it.)

Mihoshi: (VO) Just because we have a setback or two doesn’t mean that we’re out of it completely. This is a hard race, and the other teams are obviously screwing up just as often as we are! One little mistake doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the world, no matter how much Kiyone thinks so sometimes.

 

(The Cardcaptor teams, now with Takuya & Zoe, are traversing the sewers carefully.)

Takuya: We’d better be going the right way now. We’ve been in every other corner of this place.

Zoe: Hopefully we won’t have to worry about any giant monsters.

Meiling: I don’t think anything can stop us now…

(Meiling takes a step forward, and hears a rumbling. She jumps back in time to see a ton of useless household junk, a few refrigerators, a kitchen sink, and even a bathroom sink, fall down right in front of the six. They all bounce harmlessly into the stream, but the group is still shaken. Takuya is clinging to Sakura, Syaoran is clinging to Tomoyo, and Meiling has jumped back, latching onto Zoe.)

Zoe: Um… how did this happen?

(Everybody looks around and peels themselves off of each other.)

Syaoran: Molto grazie.

Zoe: (confused) For what?

(Syaoran blushes suddenly, then points at Takuya.)

Syaoran: He told me that means ‘I don’t have a clue!”

 

(Meanwhile… in Misato and Ritsuko’s cab.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- Currently in 4^th Place]
Ritsuko: (VO) Sometimes luck doesn’t go your way. We’re halfway to the station, when the cab driver realizes that he’s out of gas. Very unprofessional.

(The cab driver pulls into a gas station.)

Cabbie: Look, we’re not getting there with an empty tank.

Misato: Well, you damn well better turn the meter off. We’re paying you to drive us to the station, not to pump gas.

Cabbie: Yes ma’am.

(They reach the pump. The driver turns the meter off. All three exit the car.)

Misato: Damn… what now?

Ritsuko: Can I see the clue?

(Misato hands it over. Ritsuko goes inside, followed by Misato. Ritsuko finds a phone and looks up a number.)

Ritsuko: Let’s call and see if we can claim our tickets over the phone. Here’s the number.

Misato: Gotcha.

(Misato dials the number.)

Misato: Hi, we have tickets reserved on the 9:53 Nozomi train. Our company, ACROSS, has them reserved, we just need to make sure our names are on them… uh huh… okay… Misato Katsuragi and Ritsuko Akagi. Yep… thanks, we’ll pick them up there.

(Misato hangs up and smiles.)

Misato: We’re on!

(Misato motions for a high-five. Ritsuko simply walks past it.)

Ritsuko: Excellent. Let’s go.

 

(Yukino runs back to her cab from a convenience store with a clue in her hand.)

Yukino: I have the number.

Arima: (to cabbie) Can I borrow your cell phone?

(Arima dials and has the same conversation Misato had. He too scores.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- 3^rd on Nozomi Train]
Arima: Got them.

Yukino: All right! What a smart move, huh?

Arima: Bet nobody else thought of doing this.

 

(Sakura & Tomoyo, Syaoran & Meiling, and Takuya & Zoe finally reach HQ. Il Pallazzo is now off the phone, and is occupying himself with a pinball machine. He sees the group.)

Il Pallazzo: Oh. There are still teams left.

Zoe: Well, we don’t want to stay. We’re in a race, and besides, this isn’t exactly the nicest-looking place in town.

Il Pallazzo: (menacing) I’ll have you know I designed this myself!!

Zoe: Oh, but I mean it’s so dank and depressing here. You should really put some plants in or something, because it needs life!

Takuya: Uh, Zoe, could we please get going so we don’t end up completely screwed!

Zoe: Coming, coming, coming!

(The six hustle off. Il Pallazzo is left thinking.)

Il Pallazzo: Plants, huh?

 

(At the station, Ash & Brock are looking for the best train to Kyoto when Gary & Samuel arrive.)

Gary: Now how the hell did you two get ahead of us?

Brock: Fast Forward. We went over to Gamers, went on a rampage, and got our Fast Forward.

Ash: We were in last place, and we didn’t want to risk trying to navigate the sewers.

(Samuel nods in understanding.)

Gary: Grandpa, we can talk later, we have to sign up for that Nozomi train!

(They run over to the ticket counter. Ash and Brock look at each other for a split second before following them.)

Gary: (VO) Now I’m a little angry. First off, Ashy-boy stole our idea of using the Fast Forward. Secondly, I don’t think they had any clue about those reserved Nozomi tickets. So they followed us to the ticket counter. They were right behind us, and ended up getting the last set of tickets. It’s a little cheap if you ask me.

 

(Kiyone/Mihoshi arrive at the ticket counter and, although not all that surprised, are disappointed to learn that the first train is sold out.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- 2^nd on Hikari Train]
Kiyone: (VO) We ended up on the second train, but after the whole thing at the towers, at least we’re on a train period.

(They meet Spike and Jet, nearby.)

Mihoshi: So which train did you get?

(Spike looks away, annoyed at Mihoshi’s mere presence.)

Jet: Hikari. That name doesn’t suit us.

Kiyone: Weren’t you in the first group?

Jet: From what I hear, the Anno’s called ahead and got the tickets in their name.

Kiyone: They can do that?

Spike: I guess so. Cheap, but teams have to do whatever it takes to stay in, I guess.

 

(The first five teams board the 9:53 Nozomi Train- Takato/Henry, Misato/Ritsuko, Yukino/Arima, Gary/Samuel, and Ash/Brock.)
Arima: (VO) Some of the teams didn’t like how us and the NERV girls called ahead for our tickets. But it’s fair. We’re not bending the rules or anything. I don’t understand how some people don’t get the difference between devious and competitive. We’re competitive- we want to win, and we’ll play the game as hard as we can. But we aren’t devious. I refuse to cheat, or do anything remotely dirty, to try to win.

 

(Flash to the back of the pack. Three taxis are speeding towards the station.)
[TAKUYA & ZOE- Currently in 8^th Place]
Zoe: (VO) It’s great that we got out of there, but now we have a train to catch. If we can’t make that first Hikari train, then it may be us three fighting to stay alive. After they helped us out, I’d hate for that to happen.

(Inside Takuya and Zoe’s cab, Zoe is nervous.)

Zoe: Think we’re going to make it?

Takuya: Well, this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to hustle like mad through a train station.

Zoe: Let’s hope you can do it again.

 

(Takuya & Zoe arrive, soon followed by Sakura & Tomoyo and Syaoran & Meiling’s cabs. They scramble as the Hikari train can be seen arriving at the stop. After a mad dash through the ticket counter, Sakura & Tomoyo are the first to arrive at the stop, followed by Takuya, Zoe, Syaoran, and Meiling… just before the train opens its doors.)

Takuya: (panting) Heh… and we didn’t even have to make a desperation dive.

Jet: Now we are officially on the last train. I don’t understand what exactly we did wrong. I guess when other teams will do just about anything to win, it’s step up or ship out.

 

--

 

(The first train is cruising through Japan towards Kyoto.)
Il Pallazzo: (VO) The teams are on one of two trains to Kyoto, making their way to the Kurata-ya hot springs in Kusatsu, and the next route marker.

(Shot of the first group, enjoying their ride.)

Il Pallazzo: (VO) The faster Nozomi train carries Takato & Henry, Misato & Ritsuko, Yukino & Arima, Gary & Samuel, and Ash & Brock.

(Il Pallazzo is still in his fortress, manually potting a large Excel-eating plant in the corner of the room.)

Il Pallazzo: Because they have claimed the Fast Forward, Ash & Brock may go directly to the Pit Stop, the ski slopes outside Kusatsu. And so they shall, for they are the true chosen ones who will finish first in the leg and triumph over all adversity.

(Il Pallazzo pops in his “2.B.A. Master” CD and goes back to work on the plant.)

 

(Shot of the second train. Most seem a little on edge.)
Il Pallazzo: (VO) On the slower Hikari train, arriving over thirty minutes later, are Spike & Jet, Kiyone & Mihoshi, Sakura & Tomoyo, Takuya & Zoe, and Syaoran & Meiling.

 

(The train arrives, and everybody is out and looking for a cab. Yukino & Arima are the first to score, although Misato & Ritsuko are right on their toes.)

Yukino: Kusatsu. Please hurry!

Arima: I have directions when we get there.

Yukino: Good thing we bought that travel guide.

 

(Various shots of the five teams racing towards Kusatsu. Before they get there, the second train arrives in Kyoto. Those five teams rush for the cabs.)
Tomoyo: (VO) This is very fierce competition. Sakura and I aren’t used to heavy competition, so it’s very challenging, exhilarating even, to be in the middle of a tense situation like this. Fortunately, it’s nice to have Li and Meiling on our side.

 

(Yukino and Arima are the first ones to the hot springs. Yukino opens the envelope to find a red clue envelope.)

Yukino: Road Block. Only one person from each team may do this task. This person must be able to follow orders blindly. Decide before opening the envelope.

Arima: I guess I’ll do it.

(Arima takes the envelope and opens it. Along with the clue is a photo.)

Arima: Direct orders from ACROSS- Kill manga author Koshi Rikdo and have him revived with help from the Great Will of the Macrocosm.

Yukino: Come again?

 

(Shot of a red Road Block envelope floating off in space. The envelope magically opens.)
Il Pallazzo: (VO) A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform. In this Road Block, I have given this person orders to eliminate Koshi Rikdo, author of the Excel Saga manga. He is roaming the grounds of the hot springs resort. Teams will be given a high-powered pistol to complete the task. After killing Rikdo, he or she must find the Great Will of the Macrocosm, who will revive Rikdo for others to kill, and provide the next clue.

 

(Misato reads the clue.)

Misato: This person must be able to follow orders blindly…

(Misato hands over the clue and smiles.)

Misato: That would be you.

(Ritsuko frowns, and takes the clue.)

Ritsuko: That’s not funny.

 

(Kusatsu ski slopes. Ash and Brock head for the Pit Stop mat just outside of the lodge. They jump on the mat. Both Excel and Sana Kurata are waiting. The route marker nearby has a screen on it. In large green letters- “KODOMO NO OMOCHA / EXCEL SAGA”. Above, in small white letters- “KUSATSU”. The first thing Excel and Sana do upon Ash and Brock’s arrival are put Hawaiian lei’s around their necks.)

Excel / Sana: (hyper, as always) Ash and Brock!!!

Ash & Brock: Yeah?

(As always… Sana pulls out her rapping machine and starts wailing away.)

Sana: (rapping) Runnin’ in a wild race! Runnin’ at a wild pace!

Excel: (joining in) Can’t stop, bunny hop, runnin’ for a good place!

Sana / Excel: Jumpin’ at the starting gun! Hopin’ for a large sum!

Excel: All done!

Sana: Lots of fun!

Excel / Sana: Now you’re team number one!!

(Ash and Brock smile and high-five initially, but Brock’s “enthusiasm” gets the better of him and he goes up to hug Excel. Sana clobbers him with the mallet.)

Sana: Nope! Not today!!

(Although Brock is thoroughly laid out, Sana and Excel still continue to rap. Ash pulls out the Excel Saga DVD.)

Ash: Now I’m officially afraid to watch this…

 

(At Kurata-ya, Koshi Rikdo rounds a corner and comes to a dead end. He turns around and comes face to face with Ritsuko. Ritsuko says nothing and shoots him dead with one shot. She walks up to him.)

Ritsuko: Now where is this Great Will?

(Cue the angelic music, as the Great Will of the Macrocosm… which looks like a floating galaxy with arms, grabs Koshi and pulls him in.)

Great Will: Death?

(She pulls him out, in perfect health.)

Great Will: And rebirth!

(Needless to say, Koshi’s going tonzura koite now. Great Will hands Ritsuko a clue.)

Ritsuko: (cynical) Cute.

(Ritsuko runs back to her partner. Meanwhile, Koshi doesn’t get far, as he’s immediately pegged by Arima. Great Will goes back to work.)

 

(At the route marker, Samuel and Takato grab their guns and begin searching for Koshi.)
Takato: (VO) I was a little queasy at this whole idea. I mean, we’re supposed to kill this guy, then bring him back to life? That’ s not just playing with the cosmos, that’s punching the cosmos in the face and stealing its lunch money.

(Meanwhile, Ritsuko returns to Misato.)

Misato: Fun?

Ritsuko: (somewhat annoyed) Just read the clue.

Misato: Make your way to the Pit Stop- the ski slopes near Kusatsu. Hurry- the last team to arrive will be eliminated.

(Misato and Ritsuko can the talk and head for a cab. Yukino and Arima are soon to follow.)

Ritsuko: It’s not so much that I’m disappointed that Misato immediately volunteered me for the challenge. It was more the smile on her face when she did it. Faith, loyalty, and obedience are three very unusual beasts where we work. It’s nothing to be taken lightly.

 

(Rapid shots of a taxi driving just out of town to the ski slopes.)
Sana: (VO) Teams take a taxi to the ski slopes outside of town, which gets to be the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. Those lucky ski slopes those! The last team to arrive gets kicked off so hurry, hurry, hurry!

 

(Samuel matches up a provided picture of Koshi with the real thing standing before him.)

Samuel: Sorry to have to do this, but we are here on business you know.

Koshi: (moaning) I didn’t give them permission for this!

(Samuel shoots Koshi. Great Will arrives, revives, forks over clue. Meanwhile, Takato is having some inner torments that would do Shinji proud.)

Takato: I’m basically taking another person’s life. I’ll be a murderer. But if they bring him back, I’m negating the finality that makes murder murder.

(Great Will appears next to him.)

Great Will: Please. I think that subject is starting to get a little worn out.

Takato: Eh, what the hell?

(Takato aims and fires.)

 

(Misato and Ritsuko arrive at the Pit Stop. No rap this time, but Excel and Sana are hyper as ever.)

Sana: Welcome to Kusatsu!!

Excel: (quickly) Misato and Ritsuko you’re team two!!

Sana: Yay!! Go two!

(Ritsuko nods, pleased with the performance. Misato however cheers along with Excel, high-fiving her at one point.)

(Not long afterwards, Yukino and Arima check in.)

Sana: Yukino and Arima you’re team number three! 

Yukino: (semi-sated) It’s an improvement, but God help the other teams if we don’t finish first next time.

 

(Back at Kurata-ya, Jet hears a gunshot over and approaches it. He frowns when he sees Kiyone coming back with the clue. She’s smiles, rubbing in her victory in this friendly competition.)

Kiyone: I beat you, Jet! Starting to get old, I see.

(Jet turns towards Kiyone as she runs back. While he responds, Koshi very quietly tries sneaking behind Jet’s back and to safety.)

Jet: For the record, Spike’s usually the hands-on guy!

(Jet effortlessly points the gun behind him and shoots Koshi without looking.)

 

(Takuya and Zoe are deciding who should do the Road Block.)

Takuya / Zoe: One, two, three… shoot!

(Takuya throws rock, Zoe throws paper.)

Zoe: Paper covers rock- that means you get it.

(Takuya grumbles, grabs a gun, and heads out while Sakura and Tomoyo get the clue.)

Sakura: (reading) Road Block…

Tomoyo: Oh, good.

(Tomoyo takes her bag off and starts digging through it.)

Sakura: T… Tomoyo?

Tomoyo: Go on… open the envelope. See what you have to do.

Sakura: Okay! I can do this one!

(Tomoyo continues to rifle through her bag as Sakura reads the task. Sakura’s eyes bug out.)

Sakura: (shocked) HOE??!! Tomoyo… this says I have to…

(Tomoyo pulls out her trusty video camera.)

Tomoyo: Ganbatte Sakura-chan!!

(Sakura face faults. Syaoran drags her to the pistol table and gets one for each of them.)

Syaoran: Let’s just get this over with. We have to get ahead of Takuya.

(Sakura allows herself to be dragged away while Tomoyo videotapes.)

Meiling: You do know there’s a camera crew standing right behind you, right?

Tomoyo: But what if they cut something out in editing? I want the unabridged version.

(Zoe watches on, concerned.)

Zoe: I sort of assumed that since we were the three last teams, our little sewer alliance was out the window. But it seems that those Cardcaptor teams are still working together. Two against one… I don’t like those odds. I’m really counting on Takuya to pull through here.

 

(Gary and Samuel check in.)

Excel: (continuous) Gary…

Sana: (continuous) and…

Excel: (continuous) Samuel…

Sana: (continuous) you’re…

Excel: (continuous) team…

Sana: (continuous) number…

Excel: (continuous) four!!

Samuel: I’m happy with that. Oh, and nice effect girls.

(Samuel and Gary step away. Takato and Henry run on soon afterwards.)

Sana: Welcome to Kusatsu!

Excel: You’re team number five!

(Takato and Henry nod, glad to be done for now.)

Takato: Boy, after waking up at four in the morning, running through the sewers, forming an alliance with Gary, catching a train, and killing somebody, this rest couldn’t have come soon enough.

 

(Takuya is looking for Koshi Rikdo. He passes a man in a suit, who appears to know the place pretty well. He’s actually Katagiri, the Chief of Staff at the resort.)
Takuya: Hey, do you know where I can find a certain manga author?

Katagiri: Yes. I saw a manga author enter the recreation room down the hall.

Takuya: Thanks!

(Takuya runs to the recreation room, throws open the door, and fires a shot. Unfortunately, he drops the gun after realizing that he made a terrible mistake…)

Miho Obana: Obana desu…

(A cute lady in a pink komono that was shooting pool… falls over dead. Takuya turns around to walk away innocently, but finds a Great Will of the Macrocosm standing in the doorway.)

Great Will: Oh… you’re in trouble now.

(Takuya bows his head in apology.)

Takuya: Well, I was supposed to kill Excel Saga creator Koshi Rikdo. It turns out that I kinda accidentally killed Kodocha creator Miho Obana. So now I guess I have some stupid time penalty.

 

(A camera shot of Miho Obana lying on the floor is pixilated to look like a handheld video game. Similar to a dating sim, three options appear on the screen- “Kill Her Again,” “Explain Penalty,” and of course, “Put It In.” A cursor selects “Explain Penalty” and the screen is replaced with that of Il Pallazzo.)
Il Pallazzo: In the event that an innocent civilian is killed, the offending player will be subject to a ten minute penalty to be enforced on the spot. The Great Will of the Macrocosm detests working overtime.

 

(The correct manga author is looking around a corner. By now, he’s a nervous wreck. The coast is clear, so he takes a step into the daylight. Immediately, he is met with a flying kick, courtesy Syaoran. Syaoran does a flip in mid-air, lands, and uses his gun to finish Rikdo off.)

Syaoran: Kinomoto!!

(Sakura runs towards the action. She treads carefully around the dead body.)

Syaoran: Once we find the Great Will and we revive him, you can kill him.

Sakura: But… but…

(Great Will pops out of nowhere.)

Great Will: Sorry I’m late, other business to take care of.

(Great Will revives Koshi and hands Syaoran the clue. Syaoran steps on Koshi’s head, preventing him from going anywhere.)

Syaoran: Do it!

Sakura: But, I can’t use this!!

Syaoran: Kinomoto- do it or you’ll get eliminated.

(Sakura looks back at Great Will, who pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking.)

Great Will: Yeah, yeah, touching sequence, could you get it over with? I’m not paid by the hour you know.

(Sakura looks away while she finally gathers the resolve to shoot Koshi in the chest.)

 

(Kiyone and Mihoshi arrive at the Pit Stop and await the verdict of the hyper-twins.)

Sana: Kiyone and Mihoshi, you are team number… uh… er… Excel-chan what were we at? I’m not good with numbers…

Excel: You’re team number six!

Mihoshi: Yay!

Sana: Yay! Excel-chan remembered!

(Soon after that, Spike and Jet check in.)

Excel: You’re team number seven!!

Sana: Seven seven lucky lucky seven seven lucky luck!!

(Spike and Jet stare at them, dumbfounded, before turning towards each other and shaking their heads.)

 

(Takuya is sitting in the recreation room while his penalty is being enforced. He looks up at the revived Miho Obana, who is nervously staring back at Takuya.)

Takuya: What?! I said I was sorry!

Obana: (nervous) Obana desu.

(The Great Will appears.)

Great Will: That’s time, you’re free to go.

(Takuya rushes out of the recreation room and back into the hunt. He sees the correct manga author cowering somewhere, but there’s a slight problem.)

Takuya: Shoot… I left the gun back in the rec room.

(Koshi starts to slink away.)

Takuya: I can’t lose him now… desperate times call for desperate measures.

(Takuya clutches his D-Tector. Once again, screw the dub- music cue is With the Will baby! The sequence begins-)

Takuya: Execute!! Spirit Evolution!!

(Standard evolution sequence as Takuya changes into the warrior of fire…)

Agunimon: Agunimon!!

Koshi: (mumbling) I don’t like the looks of this…

Agunimon: Pyro Tornado!!

(Agunimon launches his primary attack, which is more than enough to finish off Rikdo. Agunimon turns back into Takuya, who runs up to the Great Will.)

Great Will: Well, you get points for creativity…

(She hands over the clue to Takuya, who runs back to Zoe. Zoe’s impatience has by now given way to worry.)

Zoe: Where the heck were you?

Takuya: I hate self-inserts. Think we can still catch them?

(Zoe looks down, sadly.)

Zoe: They both left about five minutes ago. So no… I don’t think so.

 

(Sakura & Tomoyo and Syaoran & Meiling step on the mat simultaneously.)

Excel: Syaoran & Meiling?

Sana: Sakura & Tomoyo?

(Each nut job speaks to one team.)

Excel / Sana: You’re team number eight!!

(Tomoyo again hugs Sakura. Meiling seems disappointed, but Sakura is relieved.)

Sakura: Thanks Li…

(Syaoran blushes slightly.)

 

(Time for the march of death. Takuya is somewhat angry at himself for everything, while Zoe is simply quietly disappointed. Neither talk, but right before they reach the mat. Takuya looks down. Zoe has a hand extended. Takuya takes it and they step on the mat for the somber announcement.)

Excel: WELCOME TO KUSATSU!!!!!! Hail Il Pallazzo!

(Fortunately, Sana is an actress, and is capable of toning it down a little.)

Sana: (sincere) Takuya and Zoe? You are the last team to arrive. I’m sorry to say you’ve both been eliminated.

(Both nod and quietly release their hands. Sana attempts to cheer them up, with a little success.)

Takuya: (VO) We just made too many mistakes. I guess they just all added up against us. It’s sad to leave so early. I mean, we thought we were set for the long haul, but I guess we couldn’t cut it.

Zoe: Yeah, I’m a little pissed at Takuya for his slip-up at the Road Block, but it’ll pass. I mean, we were pretty much joined at the hip for these couple days, and we got along pretty good. He may be a bonehead sometimes, but he’s still our leader, and he’s not all that bad at the job either.

Takuya: It’s a shame that it came down to us and the Cardcaptor kids though. I mean they helped us out a lot, so it was a little sad knowing that one of us would be leaving.

Zoe: Yeah, they’re good kids, and we hope they all do really well.

Takuya: Although now with us gone, Takato and Henry have to pick up the slack and represent us Digimon shows!

(Zoe laughs at that statement and they share a friendly hug.)

End of Episode Two (Today’s Experiment… Failed)

 

Author’s Notes
The Anime-zing Race official website is up on my author’s profile and is your source for info on the teams, the series, and your chance to enter the pick-em contest for a chance to win a DVD of your choice! Find the link today!

For episode titles, the real Amazing Race series uses a quote uttered by somebody in that episode. It’s an interesting way to differentiate episodes, and I do the same thing.

Since CCS is being written using the Japanese personas (with other series only using the sub when it’s more comical), writing English dialogue for Meiling proves to be difficult, as she is still a cute Chinese girl at heart. She has better command of the language than Ranma’s Shampoo or Gatekeepers’s Feilin, but she still will be a bit choppy here and there. Also, I’m writing this thinking that everybody’s in between seasons one and two in terms of relationships. Since it’s a major plot point later, everybody uses last names when appropriate.

I usually plan this out without doing any research, plotting the story to my heart’s content. It’s not until I actually sit down and write do I do extensive homework (credit the homework for the bullet train details- Nozomi and Hikari are two real train classes and the times used are taken from actual timetables). However, I accidentally stumbled onto the fact that the observation decks for the TMG Building open at 9:30 instead of 7:00. The official BS reason it’s 7:00 in the series is that the powers that be decided that having a bunch of racers in there at 9:30 would interfere with the normal tourists, so they opened up for the racers at 7:00 to give them time to get up, get the clue, and get out.

Il Pallazzo is such a fun idea, so you have to forgive me if I went a little far on a few of his passions, such as the need for a geofront or his Pokémon albums. He does really play the dating sim video game… although he never does choose “Put It In.”

Although “tonzura koite” does not mean run like hell in Italian, anyone who has seen the opening to Excel Saga knows that it does mean run like hell in Japanese.

Still a couple of nagging Japanese voice actor jokes- Excel and Misato have the same Japanese voice actress (like I said, Mitsuishi good!), and Brock’s line about a rampage at Gamers is a reference to the character his seiyuu plays in Di Gi Charat, Abarenbou. However, the “Pit crew” is interesting on the English side, as although Jessica Calvello kinda screwed up the voice of Excel (seriously screwing up her own voice in the process), she has stated before that she dreams of having the opportunity to voice Sana Kurata, if the series were ever to be picked up in the US, which seems unlikely.

Next Week on the Anime-zing Race:
* The Cardcaptor teams find their alliance tested after starting the leg tied for last.
* With a leg that’s insanely cute, and insanely insane, teams have trouble holding together… especially after a wild Detour.
* And Ritsuko meets her greatest intellectual challenge ever- Osaka.