The Anime-zing Race

Episode Four

Author’s Notes
As we now head out of Japan and into the rest of the world, we have our first venture into the lovely world of massive chaotic airport moments. These are crucial to the real race, and thus they are crucial to the Anime-zing Race. Those who have seen the real series should be braced for what’s ahead. Those who have not… grab a respirator. It’s a little ironic, however, since the first airport sequence occurs on a leg many are familiar with. That’s too bad, because the sequence negates pretty much any benefit you’d had from knowing about Ranma ½. Aiya!

Recap
Chiyo: (VO) Last time, on the Azumanga Daioh leg of the Anime-zing Race!

(Various recap of highlights from Episode Three, showing whatever is appropriate.)

Chiyo: (VO) Misato sleeps in, so she and Ritsuko missed their train to Tokyo!

Misato: (VO) Ritsuko seems to think this is my fault for some reason, but that kind of attitude won’t help. We’re in this as a team, and we succeed together and fail together. Pointing fingers and assigning blame isn’t going to help!

Chiyo: (VO) Yu… Yukari-sensei… I’M NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!

Spike: (VO) If I can survive Ed being on the Bebop, I can survive Yukari.

Chiyo: (VO) And although everybody is cute in the penguin suit, not everybody is happy. Now that I think about it, that was hard to walk in…

Ash: (VO) It was embarrassing. It was really, really embarrassing. We were walking around a school in a penguin suit. I’d rather be back with psycho kendo girl.

Chiyo: (VO) Gary & Samuel couldn’t outrace Spike & Jet, and became the third team eliminated.

(Rapid shots of each of the eight teams in various positions along the third leg.)

Chiyo: (VO) Now eight teams are left.

(Shot of the Pit Stop mat on the beachside property, with nobody standing around it.)

Chiyo: (VO) Who will be eliminated tonight?

 

**** THE ANIME-ZING RACE ****
11 TEAMS OF 2:
TAKUYA & ZOE (The Digi-Destined- Digimon) {ELIMINATED}
SAKURA & TOMOYO (The Best Friends- Cardcaptor Sakura)
SPIKE & JET (The Bounty Hunters- Cowboy Bebop)
ASH & BROCK (The Trainers- Pokémon)
AEKA & SASAMI (“Team Princess”- Tenchi Muyo) {ELIMINATED}
MISATO & RITSUKO (NOT “Team Pen-Pen”- Evangelion)
SYAORAN & MEILING (The Cousins- Cardcaptor Sakura)
TAKATO & HENRY (The Tamers- Digimon)
YUKINO & ARIMA (The Dating Couple- Kare Kano)
KIYONE & MIHOSHI (The Police Officers- Tenchi Muyo)
GARY & SAMUEL (The Grandson/Grandfather- Pokémon) {ELIMINATED}

12 LEGS…
15 SERIES…
5 COUNTRIES, 2 PLANETS, 3 DIMENSIONS, AND A SPACE STATION…
**** THE ANIME-ZING RACE ****

 

Leg Four
(Various shots of the beach, with the large summer house in the background. Shot of Chiyo riding Tadakichi. Yes… she’s riding the dog. And it’s cute!!)
Chiyo: This is my summer house. My high school friends and I always go here during summer vacation. We have so much fun- especially when Kurosawa-sensei drinks too much and tells us about…

(Shots of Yukino/Arima, Syaoran/Meiling, Misato/Ritsuko, and Ash/Brock checking into the Pit Stop. The only sound we hear is Vivaldi’s “The Four Seasons.” Finally return to a shot of Chiyo talking to Tadakichi.)

Chiyo: I don’t understand why anyone would want to do that to their…

(Tadakichi barks. Chiyo changes the subject.)

Chiyo: Anyway, teams arrived at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period.

(Shot of Ash, concentrating on his goal- to break his pair of chopsticks perfectly. Snap! He fails.)

Chiyo: (VO) This allows them to eat…

(Shot of Sakura and Tomoyo trying to get some sleep. However, Sakura is clinging to Tomoyo in fear of Osaka- standing at the foot of their bed with a knife, with that clueless look in her eyes.)

Chiyo: (VO) Sleep…

(Shot of Syaoran throwing a Frisbee to Henry. Henry leaps to catch it… and then once again crashes into Meiling.)

Chiyo: (VO) And mingle with the other teams.

(Chiyo is back on Tadakichi. Tadakichi is walking towards the camera.)

Chiyo: The teams have no idea what’s in store for them. They have to figure out for themselves how to get to the next yellow and red route marker by solving clues. They’ll find them in sealed envelopes.

(Shot of Misato, drinking with Yukari-sensei, while Ritsuko watches on, bored.)

Chiyo: (VO) Will Ritsuko get annoyed with Misato’s insistence on calling themselves Team Pen-Pen?

(Shot of Spike and Jet checking in… muttering.)

Chiyo: (VO) And will Spike and Jet be able to climb out of last place and stay in the game, even though they are an hour behind the leaders?

 

(Shot of Sakura & Tomoyo merrily celebrating their victory with Chiyo-chan.)
Chiyo: (VO) Sakura and Tomoyo were the first to arrive at 2:52 PM....

(And now, Sakura and Tomoyo again struggle to stay awake in the early morning.)

Chiyo: (VO) So they’ll be the first to depart at 2:52 AM. Goodbye everybody!

(Tomoyo rips the clue open. Sakura yawns.)
[SAKURA & TOMOYO- Best Friends / Classmates- First to Depart]
Tomoyo: Drive your jeep to Nerima and get the clue outside the Cat Café.

(Tomoyo begins to run as Sakura still counts the money.)

Tomoyo: Sakura?

Sakura: Um… shouldn’t we wait for Li and Meiling?

Sakura: We finished first, but because we weren’t helping them with directions, Li and Meiling dropped a little. We’re far enough ahead so that we could wait. I think we should.

 

(Rapid shots of a car driving into the ward of Nerima, located northwest of Tokyo. The Cat Café is a Chinese restaurant run by Cologne, Shampoo, and Mousse of Ranma ½. Hosting however is handled by lead female Akane Tendo.)
Akane: (VO) Teams must drive to Nerima and find the Cat Café restaurant and find the route marker outside. Teams with two underage players will be provided a driver, but must do all the navigating, and stay awake at all times. If one falls asleep, no navigating is allowed.

 

(Takato and Henry are ready to go and shove off.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Digimon Tamers- 2^nd to Depart]
Henry: Hopefully Dad can get us ahead of the girls.

Takato: Yeah. I wonder what they’ll throw at us next.

 

(Fujitaka is waiting inside the car. Tomoyo hops into the front seat, allowing Fujitaka to start the engine. Sakura waits outside.)

Sakura: Tomoyo… don’t you think we should wait?

(Tomoyo remains silent. Sakura enters the car. Tomoyo is bothered by something.)

Sakura: Tomoyo-chan?

Tomoyo: I… guess if you want to wait…

Sakura: What do you think we should do?

Tomoyo: (forcing a smile) It doesn’t matter. Let’s wait for Li and Meiling!

(Now Sakura’s concerned)

Sakura: Tomoyo? Is that what you really think? Tomoyo, if you think we should go now, then tell me. You’re on this team too. If you disagree with me, you have to tell me.

(Tomoyo loses the smile, remaining silent. After a little while, Sakura turns to Fujitaka.)

Sakura: Daddy- you can go.

Fujitaka: Sure thing, Sakura.

(Fujitaka starts driving. Tomoyo looks back at Sakura. Sakura smiles brightly at Tomoyo. Tomoyo faces forward, still quiet.)

Tomoyo: I felt that it was a better idea to remain ahead of Takato and Henry. It’s very rare that I disagree with Sakura. I’m in this race because of her, and I’d feel very guilty if I told her she was wrong about something. But because she’s such a good friend she noticed that. And the way she smiled afterwards… I think that shows what makes her so perfect.

 

(To contrast that…)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Dating Couple- 3^rd to Depart]
Yukino: (sickly) Arima… I can’t take this anymore…

Arima: It’s okay Yukino. This time for sure… hang in there.

Yukino: Those kids are going to pay…

Arima: Don’t get too rash. We can do this.

Yukino: First place for sure this time?

(Arima smiles.)

Arima: First place for sure this time.

(They begin their quest.)

Yukino: I’ve never been out of first place for so long in my life. I’ve almost forgotten the taste of sweet, sweet success, the feel of pure unblemished glory… the smell of everybody else’s stench of defeat. Could it be that the road to everlasting fame and prominence ends here during this harsh, harsh race? Not bloody likely.

 

(Syaoran and Meiling are entering the car. Syaoran has the map.)
[SYAORAN & MEILING- Cousins- 4^th to Depart]
Syaoran: This time, we’re not going to rush. Let’s take it slow and make sure we don’t miss any exits. If anybody passes us, we’ll catch up later.

Syaoran: There are key differences between Meiling and I. She’s more competitive and more aggressive. It’s a problem when emotions get in the way. I’d rather figure out what must be done… and then do it. I only wish it worked that way more often.

 

(Janyuu, Takato, and Henry are driving. They see a jeep ahead of them.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Currently in 2^nd Place]
Takato: That looks like the girls.

Janyuu: Should I try to pass them?

Henry: For now let’s just trail them. That way we know we’re going the right way.

Takato: We’ll make a move when we get closer to Nerima.

Henry: (VO) Yeah, it’s nice to have Dad on the trip with us, but we still are here on business. Dad has a pretty set task, and if we enjoy our company too much, then we may lose some spots because of it.

 

(Misato and Ritsuko rip the clue open.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- NERV Girls- 5^th to Depart]
Misato: Nerima, huh? Alright- another chance for Team…

Ritsuko: (stern) Don’t say it.

(Misato chuckles a little as they run to their jeep.)

Misato: Now that we’ve gotten out of that mess back in Kyoto, we can concentrate on what really matters- getting ahead of the pack. 

 

(Inside the jeep. Ritsuko is buckling up.)

Ritsuko: Just out of curiosity… you aren’t still uh… kindred spirits with Yukari are you?

(Misato smiles.)

Ritsuko: Maybe I should…

(Misato floors it.)

 

(Ash and Brock are getting into the jeep. Delia is still at the wheel.)
[ASH & BROCK- Pokémon Trainers- 6^th to Depart]
Delia: So where to today boys?

Brock: Nerima. For now head back the way we got here.

Ash: And would it kill you to drive a little faster?

Ash: I don’t want to call having my mother here a disadvantage. I mean, half the teams have someone’s mother or father or butler with them. And it’s nice to have some company to root you on. But when Brock and I are trying to get somewhere as fast as possible, it’s tough leaving it up to a third person, even if it is my mother.

 

(Kiyone is running to the jeep. Mihoshi is trailing her.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- Galaxy Police Officers- 7^th to Depart]
Mihoshi: Kiyone… hold on.

Kiyone: Mihoshi! Because of you we need to get ahead of those trainers! Hurry up!

Mihoshi: Do you know how to get there?

Kiyone: I’ll figure it out eventually!

Kiyone: It’s been just little position things so far. I doubt we’ll be behind Ash and Brock for long. But it’s still the principal- Mihoshi is keeping us back. And as the race becomes more competitive, it’s going to be harder for me to make up for that.

 

(Kiyone is driving. Mihoshi is eyeing the map.)

Kiyone: Don’t try it Mihoshi.

Mihoshi: Can’t I do something?

(Kiyone yawns.)

Kiyone: Not really. Nerima’s just about the same way we got here. We don’t need directions for awhile.

Mihoshi: Then can I drive?

Kiyone: You? Do you think I have a death wish?

Mihoshi: You know… you’re getting tired.

Kiyone: I’m fine. I’m used to going without sleep.

Mihoshi: If you fall asleep, then who’s going to get us to Nerima?

Kiyone: I’m not going to fall asleep!

Mihoshi: (upset) Oh… sorry…

(Mihoshi looks away sadly. Kiyone rubs her left eye, then shakes her head.)

Kiyone: Okay, how about this: We won’t need directions right now. But when we get closer to Tokyo, we might. So I’ll get us there, and then you can drive the rest of the way while I navigate.

Mihoshi: (yawning) Sounds good.

Kiyone: You can afford to get some sleep, so you might as well.

Mihoshi: (drifting) Roger… partner.

(Mihoshi falls asleep. Kiyone continues to shake her head.)

Kiyone: I must be insane.

 

(And finally, Spike and Jet walk away from the Pit Stop.)
[SPIKE & JET- Bounty Hunters- Last to Depart]
Spike: We had to work to stay ahead of Gary and Sam. We hadn’t really driven much before with these cars and weren’t completely sure we knew where we were going. But we got through it. How do we get rewarded? We’re in last place. Still in the game, but we’re bringing up the rear. There isn’t anything to fall back on when there’s nobody behind you.

 

(Montage of the eight teams making their way to Nerima. Kiyone and Mihoshi pass Ash and Brock to climb into sixth. Meanwhile, Syaoran and Meiling are being approached from behind.)
[SYAORAN & MEILING- Currently in 4^th Place]
Wei: I see somebody coming up behind us.

Syaoran: Damn- it’s the NERV girls.

Meiling: Don’t let them get ahead, Wei.

(Wei attempts to drive a little faster, but is no match for Misato.)

Syaoran: Don’t worry about it. Stay focused.

 

(Yukino and Arima, meanwhile, are cruising along. Arima is driving.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Currently in 3^rd Place]
Yukino: We’re doing great Arima. We should be close to Takato and Henry by now.

Arima: Excellent.

Yukino: Although you never told me you knew how to drive.

Arima: I don’t! This is my first time!

 

(Kiyone is catching up to Syaoran & Meiling. Mihoshi’s starting to wake up.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- Currently in 6^th Place]
Mihoshi: Wow! Who’s that?

Kiyone: The Li team.

(Kiyone passes them. Mihoshi waves as they go by. Meiling looks pissed in the other car.)

Kiyone: We’re up to fifth.

Mihoshi: Great! Is it my turn to drive yet?

Kiyone: Hm… I guess it would be a good idea. Maybe I can find a shortcut. Let’s get some space between us and those two and we’ll switch.

Mihoshi: Yay!

 

(Ash is still coaxing his mother into driving faster.)
[ASH & BROCK- Currently in 7^th Place]
Ash: Please, Mom?

Delia: I don’t want to get pulled over by the cops for driving too fast.

Brock: Mrs. Ketchum- you know the team that passed us?

Delia: Yeah?

Ash / Brock: They were cops!!

Delia: Oh… alright!

(Delia starts to speed up.)

 

(Kiyone and Mihoshi pull into a service station. Kiyone runs out, runs to the other side, and jumps back in. She takes the map.)

Mihoshi: Ready?

Kiyone: (nervous) As ready as I’ll ever be.

(Mihoshi pulls out and re-enters the highway. However, the stop cost them, as Syaoran & Meiling have gotten back ahead.)

Kiyone: Shoot. How’d they catch up?

Mihoshi: Should I pass them?

Kiyone: Not right now. Maybe they’ll screw up the directions again.

 

(Takato & Henry are still right behind Sakura & Tomoyo.)

Henry: We’re almost there.

Takato: Should we pass them?

Henry: Yeah. Go for it.

(Janyuu pulls ahead and gets past Sakura & Tomoyo.)

 

(Takato & Henry arrive at the Cat Café in Nerima. The sun is just starting to rise. The restaurant is closed, but the route marker is located outside. Takato & Henry run to it.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Currently in First Place]
Takato: Okay… Route Info- Drive to the Tendo household in town and find the route marker inside.

 

(Rapid shots of a car driving through Nerima.)
Akane: (VO) Teams must drive themselves to my house, although figuring out how to get there is up to them. Once there, they’ll find the next route marker in the living room.

 

(Takato and Henry discuss what to do next.)

Henry: Well, it’s no use going in the wrong direction.

Takato: Let’s see if we can find somebody who knows the way.

(Fortunately, they spot a girl walking down the street.)

Henry: Excuse me! Miss! Can you tell us how to get to the Tendo’s?

(Unfortunately… it’s Nabiki. She smiles knowingly and turns around.)

Nabiki: (mock surprise) The Tendo’s? Why, I happen to live there.

Takato: Look, we’re in a race and we need to get there as fast as possible.

(Nabiki fakes a revelation.)

Nabiki: Well- that must explain the big yellow and red flag in my living room.

Henry: So you’ll take us?

(Nabiki flashes the sign for money.)

Nabiki: I think that depends on you.

Takato: You want money? Why should we pay you?

Nabiki: I can always offer my services to the next team… and do I see their car coming this way?

(Takato and Henry turn around. Sakura and Tomoyo are approaching.)

Henry: How much?

Nabiki: 2,000 yen sounds fair.

Henry: Fine, fine, let’s go.

(Henry grabs Nabiki by the wrist and they run back to the jeep. They take off as Sakura and Tomoyo arrive.)

 

(Syaoran & Meiling are entering Nerima, still being followed by Kiyone & Mihoshi.)

Meiling: We gotta do something to get ahead of them!

Syaoran: Hold on…

(Syaoran reads the map.)

Syaoran: I think I found a shortcut.

Meiling: Great, let’s go.

Syaoran: I said I think I found a shortcut. It’s a side street. I don’t know if it’ll get us there faster.

Meiling: We have to try. I don’t like them following us.

Syaoran: If you say so. Wei, we have to go left up here.

(Behind them, Kiyone sees them turning.)

Mihoshi: Should we follow them?

Kiyone: I don’t know where they’re going…

(Kiyone looks at the map.)

Kiyone: Okay… I think I see it.

Mihoshi: Well?

Kiyone: Don’t try it Mihoshi. Let’s just get there.

 

(Yukino & Arima arrive at the Cat Café. Yukino reads the clue.)

Yukino: Drive to the Tendo household. But where is it?

Arima: There’s a payphone. Let’s see if there’s a phone book inside.

 

(Outside the Tendo residence, Janyuu parks the car. Takato and Henry run out immediately. Nabiki hops out, relaxed, counting her money.)

Nabiki: …ten… fifteen… twenty. This worked perfectly.

(She pockets the money and turns to Janyuu.)

Nabiki: Thanks for the lift!

(Takato and Henry run to the back and find the route marker in the living room- which is open to the koi pond out back. Henry opens it.)

Henry: Detour- Boy Type or Girl Type.

 

(Akane is standing inside the Tendo Dojo, where fellow Nerima fighters Tatewaki Kuno and Ryoga Hibiki are sparring.)
Akane: A Detour’s a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams need to choose between Boy Type and Girl Type. In Boy Type, teams need to spar against one of the local martial artists. They will only get the next clue after they are able to land a blow of any kind.

(Kuno has Ryoga where he wants him and is prepared to strike him down.)

Kuno: The boy type’s lease has expired, and will give way to the man!

(Akane shakes her head, then continues.)

Akane: Given the skill level of many of these fighters… at least compared to the teams… it could take awhile and may be painful. And I doubt Kodachi over there will be as gentle as Shinobu.

(Kodachi laughs offscreen.)

(Rapid shots of a car returning into town, and going to Ucchan’s Okonomiyaki.)

Akane: (VO) In Girl Type, teams need to find Ucchan’s Okonomiyaki. Inside, they will make okonomiyaki under the supervision of Ukyo Kuonji and my sister Kasumi. It doesn’t matter how good it turns out, except that the team will then have to eat it. Once they finish, Ukyo will hand them their next clue.

 

(Takato and Henry are still staring at the clue, trying to figure out which to choose.)

Takato: Uh…

 

----

 

(The Tendo Dojo. Takato and Henry walk in and see Kuno, Ryoga, and Mousse preparing, while Akane and Kodachi are supervising.)
[TAKATO & HENRY- Currently in First Place]
Takato: Do we have to do this one?

Henry: It’s either this or spending a half-hour cooking something. C’mon, I study martial arts, we can be in and out in five seconds.

(Henry and Takato put on protective gear.)

Takato: (VO) I’ll be honest, I was a little scared. I mean, there had to be a reason we’re putting on this gear. And we’re going up against really strong guys who study a style called Anything Goes. Yeah- I’m scared!

(Henry and Takato get ready. Mousse greets them.)

Mousse: This is a joke, right?

(Takato and Henry brace themselves as Akane orders the bout to begin.)

 

(At the house, Sakura and Tomoyo arrive and read over the clue.)
[SAKURA & TOMOYO- Currently in 2^nd Place]
Tomoyo: Unless you think you can handle fighting, we’d better cook.

Sakura: Let’s cook. It’ll be fun!

(Tomoyo smiles as they head back to the car.)

(Not long afterwards, Yukino and Arima arrive and read the clue.)
[YUKINO & ARIMA- Currently in 3^rd Place]
Yukino: Well, do you trust your kendo?

Arima: I trust it more than my cooking skills. Let’s fight.

Yukino: Definitely.

Arima: I’m one of the top students in my school when it comes to kendo. It’s a sport I take very seriously. Given this challenge, especially the other option, I think that it’ll really help us out.

 

(Misato and Ritsuko arrive at the Cat Café. They get the clue and go.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- Currently in 4^th Place]
Ritsuko: There are times when Misato’s incredibly annoying and when her errors cost us in the race. But there are also times when she excels and her qualities are very admirable. You know what they say- the proton particles and electron particles cancel each other out, thereby becoming neutrally charged. Although there are a lot of times when Misato acts like an ion.

 

(Henry’s martial arts skills are being handled easily by Mousse. Henry moves for an attack, but the White Swan knocks him to the ground before he can connect. Takato attempts a sloppy attack, which Mousse dodges easily. They are clearly struggling as Yukino and Arima arrive.)

Arima: Who are we facing?

(Kuno steps in front of him, posing with his kendo stick.)

Kuno: It is I- the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High Tatewaki Kuno.

Yukino: Hey, do we get kendo sticks too?

Kuno: Of course! The only fight worth winning is a fight fought fair.

(Arima takes a shinai and they each don their protective gear.)

Yukino: Okay, here’s the plan- you distract him while I run up and kick him in the crotch.

Arima: There’s no need. I can beat him alone.

Yukino: You sure?

(Arima silently readies himself. Akane gives the signal and both he and Kuno charge at each other… and go past each other. Both wait to see if the other is hit.)

Kuno: Ha! Did you think it possible to land a blow against the Blue Thunder?

(Before Kuno moves, Arima turns around, runs up, and sloppily bops Kuno over the head with the stick.)

Akane: That works!

(Akane runs up with the envelope and hands it to Yukino.)

Kuno: But! We were to be posing! It was hardly a fair maneuver.

(Akane stomps on Kuno’s head angrily.)

Akane: Oh, put a sock in it!

Kuno: Et tu… Akane Tendo…

(Mousse deflects Henry’s attack using his Fist of the White Swan attack… which is basically sticking a swan-shaped training toilet in between himself and his opponent. Meanwhile, Yukino and Arima rush outside and open the clue.)

Yukino: Drive to Narita Airport and fly to the Jusenkyo Springs in China.

 

(Rapid shots of a car driving into Tokyo’s Narita International Airport. The new host, appropriately enough, is the Guide to the Jusenkyo Springs.)
Guide: (VO) Teams must go to airport and book flight to legendary cursed spring Jusenkyo. Journey may be difficult because they not know where in China Jusenkyo is.

 

(Finally, Henry lands a nice punch that is enough to knock Mousse back a little.)

Akane: Good enough! You guys did it!

(Henry is completely exhausted, but shakes hands with Mousse. Takato takes the envelope from Akane. They run out as Misato and Ritsuko run in.)

Henry: I’m still feeling that. I mean, it was really tough for us to do. We’re one of the smaller teams, but I thought that because I was involved with martial arts, I’d be okay. Not true. And what’s worse is that I heard Mousse was considered one of the weaker fighters in Nerima. Damn…

 

(Kiyone and Mihoshi ponder the Detour.)
[KIYONE & MIHOSHI- Currently in 5^th Place]
Kiyone: Better fight. It can’t be that bad.

(They run towards the dojo.)

Mihoshi: I think we did great! We pulled ahead of Syaoran and Meiling and got there in no time. But you know, a little bit of recognition from Kiyone would be nice.

 

(Meanwhile, on a seemingly unrelated note, Sakura is busy cooking, while singing a happy tune…)

Sakura: Tsukkuri mashou… tsukkuri mashou… sate sate nani ga, dekiru ka na…

(Zoom out. She and Tomoyo are cooking okonomiyaki. Any competitive nature has vanished as they cook the thing. Sakura’s singing. As Ukyo and Kasumi watch on, they can’t help but smile.)

Ukyo: Cute, hon, but that was last episode.

Kasumi: They seem to be having a good time.

Ukyo: Yeah, I don’t have the heart to tell them they’re in a race.

(Sakura and Tomoyo finish up, then sit down to eat it.)

Sakura: (VO) We may fall a little behind by cooking, but this was a lot of fun anyway! I can’t imagine us having this much fun trying to fight.

(Ukyo and Kasumi make sure they finish eating.)

Kasumi: All done!

(Ukyo hands Sakura the clue.)

Ukyo: Here ya go, sugar.

Sakura: Thank you!

(She opens it.)

Sakura: Drive to Narita Airport and fly to the Jusenkyo Springs in China.

Tomoyo: We’d better get going.

Sakura: Right. Bye!!

(They run out. Kasumi waves.)

Kasumi: Have fun!

 

(Syaoran and Meiling read the Detour clue. Syaoran looks at Meiling and recalls her cooking skills.)
[SYAORAN & MEILING- Currently in 6^th Place]
Syaoran: Fighting. It’s safer.

 

(Misato and Ritsuko are struggling against Ryoga. Although they are hardly weak, his powerful counters make them both hesitant.)

Ritsuko: This is why we have guns at NERV…

(Kiyone and Mihoshi are equipped and ready to face Mousse, rested and ready for his next match.)

Mihoshi: So what’s the strategy?

Kiyone: Did you see how Misato and Ritsuko weren’t attacking him at the same time? We have to hit him from both sides. Don’t be afraid to hurt him.

Mihoshi: Uh… okay?

(Mousse launches a few ropes and chains at Kiyone and Mihoshi, but both skillfully dive out of the way. Kiyone does a forward somersault. Mousse tries to attack Kiyone, but she dodges, and goes behind him. Mihoshi attacks, but another visit from the Fist of the White Swan is enough to counter. Mousse turns around to deal with Kiyone, but Kiyone has positioned herself out of Mousse’s line of sight. She ducks down and connects with a leg sweep to send him to the ground.)

Akane: Way to go girls!

(Mihoshi extends her hands and pulls both Kiyone and Mousse up. However, she falls down in the process. Akane hands Kiyone the clue.)

Kiyone: Thanks. C’mon Mihoshi!

(Kiyone lifts Mihoshi up and they run out the door. Meanwhile, Misato looks on, annoyed, and misses an opportunity to hit Ryoga.)

 

(Ash and Brock arrive at the Cat Café. Ash gets the clue, reads it, and they get back in the jeep without wasting too much time.)
[ASH & BROCK- Currently in 7^th Place]
Brock: (VO) I’m a little scared. We’re in the trailing pack right now, just barely out of last place. But we already used our Fast Forward, and we’re up against two very intimidating bounty hunters. I don’t know how many more tricks we have left up our sleeve.

(Right on their toes, Spike and Jet arrive. Spike gets the clue.)
[SPIKE & JET- Currently in Last Place]
Jet: There they go.

Spike: Let’s stay on their toes. They might know where they’re going.

 

(Syaoran & Meiling begin their match against Kuno while Misato & Ritsuko are still going at it with Ryoga. Interlaced shots of both matches. Finally, Ritsuko manages to get a hold of Ryoga’s arms just long enough for Misato to deliver a punch to the chest. Ryoga breaks free of Ritsuko and Misato shakes her fist.)

Misato: OW!!

Akane: Sloppy, but it’ll do.

(Akane hands Ritsuko the card. As they run out, Syaoran and Meiling both time a jump, doing a handplant off either of Kuno’s shoulders, before landing on the other side and delivering simultaneous kicks to the back.)

Akane: And you guys are done too!

(Meiling takes the clue and they hit the road once more.)

Meiling: We caught up to the NERV girls during the Detour. I guess even though our driving is off, we make up for it other times. It’s all equal in the end.

 

(Spike and Jet arrive at the Tendo house. Ash and Brock run out. The cowboys head to the route marker. Jet opens it.)

Jet: Detour- Boy Type. Spar against one of the local martial artists at the Tendo Dojo.

(Spike starts walking towards the dojo.)

Spike: Fine by me.

(They head inside, get all the preparations out of the way, and square off against Ryoga. After a brief but fast-paced battle, featuring mostly Spike dodging out of the way of Ryoga’s attacks, Spike finds his opportunity and decks the lost boy. Jet receives the clue.)

Jet: Fly to the Jusenkyo Springs in China. Perfect.

Jet: You can’t count us out just because we’re in last place. It’s not a position we’re used to being in. Of course, we rarely are in positions we’re used to being in.

 

(Ash and Brock are busy scarfing okonomiyaki.)

Ash: Are you sure this was a good idea? If Spike and Jet did Boy Type, they’ll probably get done faster.

Brock: I don’t have any intention of getting us dragged into a battle without our Pokémon. Besides- it’s free food. We’re still watching our budget.

Ukyo: All clear!

(Ukyo hands Ash the clue. He stands and opens it while Brock makes googly-eyes at Ukyo and Kasumi.)

Ash: Drive to Narita Airport… let’s go Brock.

Brock: Hold on…

(Brock walks up to Kasumi and takes her hands.)

Brock: Excuse me dear, what’s the fastest way out of here?

Kasumi: (smiling) Oh… I like to use the door.

(Ash face faults.)

 

(Montage of teams driving to Tokyo’s international airport. Yukino & Arima and Takato & Henry are the first teams to arrive, although by the time anybody is able to secure tickets, everybody will have arrived.)

Arima: First big problem we encountered was a pretty obvious one- we didn’t have any idea where this Jusenkyo place was.

(Yukino & Arima are at a desk. The clerk is typing on a computer.)

Clerk 1: No, sorry, there is no airport located in any place called Jusenkyo.

Arima: (frustrated) Okay… uh…

Yukino: Arima. Conference.

Arima: We’ll be right with you.

(They huddle up.)

Yukino: Do we really need to know where Jusenkyo is?

Arima: Of course we do. It’ll be hard to get there without knowing where it is.

Yukino: We know it’s in China. Let’s just go there.

Arima: But what if we end up in the wrong part of the country?

(Yukino turns towards the clerk. She is helping another customer.)

Yukino: Hey! We were still talking to her!

Clerk 1: Sorry, ma’am, you stepped out of line. I thought you were finished.

Yukino: We spent twenty minutes in that line!

 

(Takato and Henry, meanwhile are looking through Chinese guidebooks in a gift store.)

Takato: (VO) We weren’t getting anywhere unless we knew where Jusenkyo was. So before we bothered looking for flights, we hit the books.

Takato: Henry! I think I found something!

Henry: Yeah?

(Henry puts down his book and walks up to Takato.)

Takato: The cursed springs of Jusenkyo… located in Kwinghai…

Henry: (correcting him) Qinghai.

Takato: Quinghai Province, China.

Henry: Let’s see… that’s in the west. Nearest city looks like Xining. There might be a plane that can get us there.

Takato: Cool. Well, we know where it is. That’s the hardest part.

(Henry takes the book and gets in line to purchase it.)

Henry: Takato- that was the easy part.

 

(Sakura and Tomoyo are anxiously waiting at a desk.)

Clerk 2: Uh… I’m sorry. I’m not sure what you’re looking for, but we don’t have any available flights to China we can get you on today. You’d have to wait until tomorrow.

(Sakura lets her head fall onto the counter.)

Tomoyo: Cheer up Sakura.

Sakura: Hoe… This is so hard.

(They walk away from the desk. Tomoyo puts an arm around her friend’s shoulder.)

Sakura: That was the third desk we’ve been too…

Tomoyo: It’ll be alright…

(The two nine-year-olds continue to walk through the crowded airport.)

 

----

 

(Spike and Jet get into the airport. Already, they can see a few teams running around. They spot Misato and Ritsuko working one counter, Takato and Henry working another, while Kiyone and Mihoshi are lugging their bags down the road.)

Jet: What exactly are we supposed to be doing?

Mihoshi: Your guess is as good as mine.

Kiyone: We’re trying to book a flight. Doesn’t it look like fun?

(Kiyone and Mihoshi walk past them. Misato and Ritsuko have quit on their counter and walk past Spike and Jet.)

Misato: Just get here?

Spike: Yeah.

Misato: Heh- well dive right in, the water’s fine!

Ritsuko: Pick a desk and yell until you get where you need to go.

Jet: Where do we need to go?

Misato: That’s a good question!

Misato: We’re completely at a loss about this Jusenkyo place. It’s just… there’s no Jusenkyo International Airport, so the challenge is obviously to do some digging to figure out where the hell we’re going.

 

(Syaoran and Meiling are at a restaurant, discussing their plans. Syaoran has a book in front of him.)

Meiling: I think it’s a waste of time to find Kinomoto and Daidouji. A plan this elegant may be weighed down if they’re on board.

Syaoran: Okay. So just shop around, and try to find the earliest flight. Then I’ll find the connection. Meet back here in half an hour.

Meiling: Deal.

(They shake hands and go their separate ways. Follow Meiling as she tries to scout out various airline flights.)

Meiling: We wanted to go through Hong Kong. It’s where we live, and we think we’ll have a advantage if we race for a connection there. So while Syaoran looked for a flight from Hong Kong to Xining, I looked for the earliest flight to Hong Kong.

(Syaoran is reading through his book, a Chinese guide book, while talking with somebody on the phone.)

Syaoran: There’s a real advantage if we work through Hong Kong. Even though it’s a very busy airport, we know where the terminals are, and where the gates are. It’s a madhouse, but it’s our madhouse.

 

(Yukino and Arima reach another counter.)

Clerk 3: Yes, where are you headed today?

Yukino / Arima: China.

Clerk 3: Um… any particular city?

Yukino: Nope. Just China. Is that a problem?

Clerk 3: Well… it is the third largest country in the world. And there are several cities that we fly to.

Arima: What’s the first one available?

Clerk 3: Hm… there’s a flight to Beijing leaving in a few hours.

Yukino: Beijing… capital city… sure, we’ll take that one.

(The clerk shakes her head before confirming the purchase.)

Yukino: We took a big risk. We’re taking the first flight to the mainland and hoping that we can somehow find a connection to Jusenkyo. We figure that if there’s any place that’ll get you to Jusenkyo, it’ll be the capital city. So we’re still pretty confident that we can snatch first place away from those greedy little kids.

 

(Takato and Henry are busy with a clerk that seems to be making some headway.)

Clerk 4: There is a connecting flight through Shanghai. It’s probably the best way to go.

Takato: Great! Sign us up.

(Clerk goes to work as Sakura and Tomoyo hit the counter next-door. Takato and Henry feign ignorance.)

Sakura: Any luck?

Henry: Uh… well…

Takato: Er…

Clerk: Okay, so I have you confirmed for Tokyo to Shanghai to Xining. Here are your boarding passes.

(Takato and Henry reluctantly take them as a second clerk tends to Sakura and Tomoyo.)

Clerk 1: Can I help you girls?

Tomoyo: Yes, we’d like to get from Tokyo to Xining by way of Shanghai.

Sakura: Hoe?

Henry: Basically, Sakura and Tomoyo copied us. They heard our plans and now we’re on the same flight. Of all the people to do that, I never would have suspected them.

Tomoyo: It wasn’t our intention to overhear Henry and Takato’s flight, but we’ve been in this terminal for two hours with very little rest. Sakura was getting a little upset, and it upsets me when that happens. We had no other choice.

 

(Ash and Brock are walking through the terminal, both getting tired.)

Brock: Is there no airline that flies to Xining?!

Ash: I can’t take this much longer…

Brock: We’ve been up since 3:30 in the morning, and our minds are officially shot. There isn’t any airline here that flies to Xining, and nobody can find us a connection we can use.

Ash: Maybe if we knew a little more about the place it would help. I can barely pronounce Xining, must less tell you where it is.

(They are passed by Spike and Jet, going the opposite direction.)

Brock: Any luck?

Jet: None whatsoever.

Spike: The system’s really screwed up. Back home, once you need to get somewhere, you get a clear answer on how to get there. Here, it’s all about competition. Each different company is trying to make sure you fly with them and not anybody else. I don’t know how anybody gets anywhere.

 

(Kiyone and Mihoshi aren’t having much better luck.)

Kiyone: This is some sort of a nightmare, isn’t it?

Mihoshi: And when we wake up, we’ll be back fighting the swan guy.

Kiyone: Hey, at least we could get past the swan guy.

(They pass Sakura and Tomoyo. Mihoshi bends down.)

Mihoshi: So how are you girls doing? Are you guys having as much trouble as us?

Sakura: Nope!

Tomoyo: We just got our tickets!

Kiyone: What?! You two got tickets? All the way to Xining??

(Sakura and Tomoyo smile brightly and nod. Kiyone wanders off.)

Kiyone: I’m going to go throw up…

Mihoshi: Wow… that’s pretty good. So how did you get them?

Tomoyo: Well…

Sakura: We went over to that nice booth over there! And then we got tickets to go to Xining. But we have to stop in Shanghai first!

Mihoshi: And you did all that? That’s better than Kiyone and I have been doing!

Tomoyo: Well, good luck!

Mihoshi: Yep!

(Sakura and Tomoyo walk away. For awhile, Mihoshi is completely oblivious. But after two minutes of wandering around aimlessly… she finally figures it out and runs to find her partner.)

 

(Syaoran is on the phone.)

Syaoran: Okay, so you don’t fly to Hong Kong, but you do fly to Guangzhou? D… do you have anything leaving Guangzhou?

(Syaoran listens for awhile. He sees Meiling approaches.)

Syaoran: That’s a little close. It depends on when we leave Tokyo. We’d have to take a train over…

(Meiling glomps Syaoran while he’s busy listening.)

Meiling: Flight from here to Hong Kong leaving in an hour. We can still make it.

Syaoran: What? An hour?!

(Syaoran puts his mouth back to the receiver.)

Syaoran: That’s fine! Confirm it!

(After a couple seconds of agonizing silence. Syaoran nods.)

Syaoran: Good. See you there.

(Syaoran hangs up.)

Syaoran: Good work, let’s go.

 

(Spike & Jet have apparently decided that they need a time-out. They’re smoking in one of the lounges when Kiyone enters and plops down as well.)

Kiyone: I don’t know what’s worse- the fact that we’re never going to get out of here or the fact that Sakura and Tomoyo already have tickets.

Spike: Those two found tickets?

(Kiyone nods.)

Jet: Damn… well don’t sweat it. We’ll figure something out.

(Jet offers Kiyone a cigarette. She declines.)

Kiyone: I can’t wait until we get to outer space.

Jet: Amen to that.

(Mihoshi runs in.)

Mihoshi: KIYONE!! Over here!

Spike: Speaking of outer space…

(Kiyone stands up, annoyed.)

Kiyone: What do you want?

Mihoshi: Come on! I think we can still make it!

(Kiyone has no clue what her partner’s talking about, but follows her.)

Jet: Okay…

(Now it’s Syaoran & Meiling, making a big fuss as they run to a desk. Spike and Jet overhear them. Meiling is practically dragging Syaoran along.)

Meiling: In here Syaoran!

Jet: What do you think they’re up to?

(Spike stands up.)

Spike: I don’t know, but we’re going to find out.

 

(Mihoshi reaches one of the same clerks as before. Kiyone is bewildered.)

Mihoshi: Let’s see… it was going to Xining, from… um… Shinghay!

Clerk 4: You mean Shanghai?

Mihoshi: Um… oh yeah, that’s it.

Clerk 4: (muttering) Must be popular this time of year…

Kiyone: So what makes you think this one’s going to work? Weren’t we here already?

Clerk 4: I’m sorry, ladies.

Kiyone: See?

Clerk 4: The flight to Xining is fully booked. We can get you on the Shanghai flight, but the best we can do is put you on standby for Xining.

(Kiyone’s mouth is hanging open.)

Kiyone: You mean that actually was available!?

Mihoshi: I’m sorry Kiyone… I guess we’re too late.

Kiyone: No, put us on standby. At least we’ll be in the right country. At worst, it’ll be easier to get to Xining once we’re inside China.

(They get their passes.)

Kiyone: (VO) We didn’t get confirmed the whole way, but at least we’re getting out of Tokyo. After that headache, it’ll do.

 

(Syaoran & Meiling successfully book their flight, but Spike and Jet are right next to them when a clerk greets the cowboys.)

Clerk 5: Hello gentlemen.

Spike: We need to get where those two were going.

Jet: I think I heard something about Hong Kong.

Clerk 5: Alright. Let’s see…

(He types for awhile before smiling.)

Clerk 5: I can get you on the next flight. How does that sound?

Jet: Music to my ears…

(As everything’s confirmed, Syaoran and Meiling watch them. They’re pissed.)

Meiling: Hey! You can’t do that!!

(Spike and Jet turn and look at them. Syaoran grabs Meiling by the collar and walks away.)

Meiling: Syaoran! What are you doing??!!

Syaoran: Trying not to get beat up.

Meiling: I can take them!

(Syaoran drops Meiling well away from the counter.)

Syaoran: Look- it’s not a problem. They don’t know Hong Kong like we do. And what are the odds that they have the connection from Guangzhou?

Meiling: But what if they follow us again?

Syaoran: Like I said- it’s the Hong Kong airport. We just have to make sure they can’t follow us.

(Meiling glomps Syaoran.)

Meiling: Syaoran you’re so smart!!

 

(Shots of Syaoran & Meiling and Spike & Jet boarding the plane, followed by the plane taking off, with one more shot of a map of where the heck they’re going. On the map is Tokyo and Hong Kong. Also seen are Guangzhou, just north of Hong Kong, and Xining, in the uh… mid-western part of China.)
Guide: (VO) Syaoran and Meiling, and Spike and Jet, fly to China through Hong Kong. Only Syaoran and Meiling have connection to Xining, but from nearby Guangzhou airport.

 

(Next up, Yukino and Arima board their plane and it takes off. Another map- this one has Beijing instead of Hong Kong and Guangzhou.)
Guide: (VO) Yukino and Arima are flying to Beijing. They no have connection to Xining.

 

(Misato and Ritsuko are at the desk which scored for a few previous teams. Ash and Brock are behind them, but not really paying attention. Until…)

Misato: Yes!!

Ritsuko: Thank you very much.

(Misato and Ritsuko take their tickets and leave. Ash and Brock step up.)

Ash / Brock: We're going where they're going!

Clerk 1: Who? Those two women?

Brock: Yeah. Misato and Ritsuko, that's them.

Clerk 1: So you know them somehow? Their destination is confidential.

Ash: Well… you see…

Brock: They’re our girlfriends.

Ash: What?

Brock: Yeah. I’m with the blue-haired one, and Ash is with the blonde. We want to get on the same flight and surprise them. You know, like in that Adam Sandler movie?

Ash: Wait a minute- how come I’m with Ritsuko!?

(Brock turns towards Ash, a little surprised.)

Brock: You know what they say- blondes have more fun.

(Ash folds his arms and stares at Brock.)

Brock: Okay, good point.

(They turn back to the disbelieving clerk.)

Brock: He’s with Misato.

Ash: Thank you.

Clerk 1: (sly) Well… it just so happens that we have a special gift for men who want to romance their girlfriends like that.

Ash / Brock: Really??

 

(Misato and Ritsuko are on the plane settling into their seats. Abruptly, they’re interrupted by two bouquets of flowers in front of them. Brock is holding one for Ritsuko, while Ash is holding one for Misato.)

Brock: Ritsuko- Let me date with you.

Ash: Don’t ask.

(Misato takes them, smells them, then smiles.)

Misato: Isn’t that nice of you!

(Misato hugs Ash, and kisses him on the cheek a couple times.)

Misato: Unfortunately, I’m going to have to decline the offer. My love life is screwed up enough as it is…

(Brock shoves Ash away.)

Brock: You heard them Ash, let’s take our seats.

(They sit down.)

Brock: Is that why you wanted Misato?

(Ash says nothing. He just smiles and leans back in his chair.)

Brock: You’re starting to learn, young man.

 

(Shot of their plane taking off, and another map. This one has Shanghai and Wuhan.)
Guide: (VO) Takato & Henry, Sakura & Tomoyo, Kiyone & Mihoshi, Misato & Ritsuko, and Ash & Brock, are on flight to Shanghai. Takato & Henry and Sakura & Tomoyo have connection from Shanghai to Xining. Kiyone & Mihoshi are on stand-by for flight. Misato & Ritsuko and Ash & Brock have confirmed ticket to Xining, but make one more stop in Wuhan.

 

(The Hong Kong flight lands. As soon as they’re out of customs, Syaoran & Meiling start running. Spike & Jet are caught off guard, and start chasing after them. But the place is too crowded, and they can’t keep up. Syaoran & Meiling are long gone.)

Jet: (VO) We weren’t too familiar with the area, so we figured that we’d just follow the Li’s around and see what they were doing. Big mistake.

(Spike and Jet are left alone in the crowded terminal.)

 

--

 

(Dateline: Beijing. Yukino and Arima walk calmly from their plane through the airport terminal until reaching a desk. They talk for awhile, both very calm. Score! They take their tickets and run like hell to catch their plane to Xining. Eventually they make it.)
Yukino: (VO) We make it look easy, but it was nothing but! After securing our tickets to Beijing, we knew we had about an hour to spare before our flight. So Arima and I frantically researched the various airlines and flights departing Beijing today. We found one destined for Xining. But that wasn’t enough! We then analyzed typical flight patterns, and passengers in planes to and from Chinese cities. We determined that Xining is not a popular destination this time of year, especially among the populace of the nation’s capital. So we knew that we wouldn’t have any trouble securing a ticket. After studying some maps of Beijing’s airport, we knew exactly where we had to go to get the tickets, and then to get on the plane. The path to everlasting fame was never easy!!

 

(In Shanghai, Takato & Henry and Sakura & Tomoyo have boarded the flight to Xining. Mihoshi is waiting to see if she and Kiyone are on the flight.)

Mihoshi: Please oh please…

Announcer: (VO) We have room for Makibi and Kuramitsu on the Xining flight.

Mihoshi: Yes!

(Meanwhile, Kiyone is at a desk trying to book tickets. She is eyeing the hallway.)

Kiyone: Yeah, how does the flight through Wuhan look? Sold out?

(She sees Mihoshi jumping up and down frantically.)

Clerk: Unfortunately…

(The clerk looks up. Kiyone is gone.)

Mihoshi: It was a little risky, but it paid off in the end. We could be one of the first teams to get there! Just shows that you can’t be afraid to take chances sometimes.

(The flight to Xining leaves, followed very soon by the flight to Wuhan, which Misato/Ritsuko and Ash/Brock are on.)

 

(Hours go by in a matter of seconds. It’s nearing sunset when a plane arrives in the Airport at Xining. Yukino and Arima step out of the airport and hail a cab.)

Arima: (VO) The only problem with traveling alone is that we have no way of knowing what place we’re in. We could be first, we could be in last- we’re pretty sure we’re not in any trouble, but the uncertainty scares you sometimes.

 

(The cab drives off-road for awhile before reaching the Jusenkyo springs, a series of pools. As with the series, there are several tall poles sticking out of the springs and are used for martial arts training. New to the race is a network of eight-inch-wide beams connecting the various poles, and a few lines wired overhead. Yukino & Arima run up to the box, but Yukino turns around.)

Yukino: No! I don’t want to look! You open it!

(Arima smiles and quickly opens the box. He retrieves an envelope and opens it.)

Arima: Road Block… this person can’t be afraid of heights or curses.

 

(The Jusenkyo Guide is standing on a cliff right next to the Jusenkyo grounds. A long beam connects the cliff to the poles.)

Guide: In this Road Block, one person from team walks along beams suspended over cursed spring. They must walk along until they find clue on one of poles. From there, they walk back to cliff and return to partner.

 

(After a short discussion, Yukino agrees to do it.)

 

(In Xining, the next plane lands. Kiyone & Mihoshi are the first out to get a cab, followed by Sakura & Tomoyo, with Takato & Henry third.)
Tomoyo: (VO) We all knew that we would land before Misato and Ritsuko and Ash and Brock. But we were still racing against each other, because if we were the first plane to land, we would be racing for first place. And I would love to see Sakura in first place again.

 

(Yukino stands on the cliff. She’s hooked up to the upper wiring, so that if she falls, it’s a slow and safe descent. Doesn’t mean she’s not a little scared though.)

Arima: Do you want me to be quiet and let you concentrate or root you on?

Yukino: Root me on. Girl’s gotta hear the masses cheering for her. In fact, tell the Chinese guide guy to cheer too.

(She carefully walks across the beam, trying to determine the best direction. She retrieves the clue with no problem, to Arima’s cheering. She begins to walk back.)

Yukino: Hey, I’m hooked up to this safety thing. I have the clue, couldn’t I just jump down? I’ll probably land in a spring anyway.

Guide: Oh… I no would recommend that.

(She reaches the cliff, detaches herself from the rig, and runs down to Arima.)

Arima: Good work.

Yukino: (reading the clue) Walk west to the Pit Stop- the Amazon village of Joketsuzoku. The last team to arrive will be eliminated.

Arima: Cool.

 

(Rapid shots on foot into the Amazon village. Appropriately, Shampoo gives the description.)
Shampoo: Teams must go over mile by foot to Joketsuzoku. This Amazon village my home… and Pit Stop for silly race. Last team to arrive be eliminated.

 

(Kiyone & Mihoshi arrive at the Road Block. Kiyone opens the envelope.)

Kiyone: A Road Block is…

(Kiyone looks up at the poles and beams.)

Kiyone: Never mind, I’ll do it.

(As Kiyone goes up to get strapped in, Sakura and Tomoyo get there.)

Sakura: Road Block. This person can’t be afraid of heights or curses. Tomoyo? Maybe you can do this one.

(Tomoyo has the camera out.)

Tomoyo: But I am afraid of not being able to tape you winning the Road Block!

(Sakura says nothing. She just sweatdrops and opens the envelope.)

 

(Joketsuzoku. In the center of this small village is the mat. Greeting them is Shampoo and her great-grandmother Cologne. The screen on the route marker reads “RANMA ½” in large green letters, with “JOKETSUZOKU” in small white letters. Yukino and Arima talk quietly as they approach the mat.)

Yukino: This is it. We promised, remember?

Arima: Right. Just don’t blow up if we don’t get it. I still need you for the rest of the race.

(They walk on the mat. Shampoo bows.)

Shampoo: Welcome to Joketsuzoku.

Cologne: Yukino… Arima… you are team number one.

(All that buildup… and Yukino smiles and bows politely.)

Yukino: Oh my, that’s lovely. Isn’t that wonderful news Arima? Our hard work has paid off!

(Arima smiles and shakes his head. They walk offscreen. Cologne turns to Shampoo.)

Cologne: See Shampoo, now that’s modesty.

Yukino: (OS) YEAH!!!!!!!!

 

(Kiyone and Sakura are hooked up and begin the task. Takato and Henry arrive. Henry skims over the clue.)

Henry: Road Block… I’ll do it.

(Henry gets hooked up and starts to move. Sakura gets to a clue before Kiyone.)

Mihoshi: (OS) C’mon Kiyone! You can do it!!

(Kiyone looks back and sees that Sakura is heading back and Henry is now approaching. She loses her concentration for a moment and falls off.)

Guide: (OS) Oh no… I had very bad feeling about this!

(After the initial shock, she begins the slow descent. She guides her fall down, so she hits the ground, and weaves her way around and over various springs until she gets back to Mihoshi.)

Mihoshi: It’s okay, Kiyone, keep going!

(Kiyone takes a moment to recover, then swears it off and goes back up.)

Kiyone: I lost my concentration and fell off the beams. I guess I was too worried about what Sakura and Henry were doing. But you know, you just have to get back up. I can’t let it get to me.

 

(Kiyone politely waits for Sakura to finish, even helping her reach the cliff. Sakura disconnects and heads down as Kiyone begins again. She hugs Tomoyo and reads the clue.)

Sakura: Walk west to the Pit Stop- the Amazon village of Joketsuzoku.

Tomoyo: Okay! Let’s go!

Sakura: Mm!

(They head out. Henry finishes up and heads back down to Takato. They take off after the girls.)

Mihoshi: Don’t worry about them Kiyone, just stay focused!

(Kiyone attempts to do so as she returns to the beam.)

 

(Down the road, Sakura & Tomoyo are trying to run. Tomoyo tires quickly. Sakura is forced to slow down for her friend. As a result, Takato and Henry are able to get ahead of them. Tomoyo is seriously upset.)

Tomoyo: I’m... I’m sorry Sakura.

Sakura: It’s okay Tomoyo. Just keep going!

(Takato and Henry reach the Pit Stop. Both are exhausted.)

Cologne: Takato? Henry? You are team number two.

(Sakura and Tomoyo walk up to the Pit Stop. Both are tired, Tomoyo is still sad.)

Cologne: Sakura and Tomoyo- you’re team number three dearies.

(Sakura smiles and hugs Tomoyo, cheering her up a little bit.)

Tomoyo: My one real fear is dragging Sakura down. And because I got tired so fast, we lost a position. Fortunately, she seems to be forgiving. But I just hope that I don’t keep her back any further.

 

(Kiyone successfully gets through this time. She returns to Mihoshi and they run to the Pit Stop. They arrive without much incident.)

Cologne: Kiyone? Mihoshi? You’re team number four.

(Both sigh. They were gunning for higher.)

 

(Syaoran & Meiling have reached the Road Block using their connection in Guangzhou. No more fooling around with sunset. It’s now night, but lights have been positioned around the area.)
[SYAORAN & MEILING- Currently in 5^th Place]
Meiling: I’ll do this one.

(Meiling get strapped up and takes off.)

Syaoran: Be careful Mei! Take your time!

Meiling: I’m fine Syaoran!!

(At that point, she loses her balance and falls off the beam.)

Syaoran: Mei!

(Meiling is unable to control her descent, and splashes right into one of the ponds. Both Syaoran and the Guide run up to the pond.)

Syaoran: Mei! Are you alright?

Guide: I afraid of this…

(Instead of Meiling… a leopard claws its way out of the spring.)

Syaoran: What the? What happened to Meiling?

(The leopard glomps Syaoran. The Guide holds a sign of Chinese characters.)

Guide: I afraid girl is now leopard. You see… girl fall into Spring of Drowned Leopard. Legend tell of African leopard who fall into spring 400 year ago. Now whoever fall into spring take body of leopard. Very tragic story.

(Meiling gets off Syaoran and runs off.)

Syaoran: How does an African leopard get to this part of China?

Guide: Please no question my very tragic stories.

Syaoran: So how does Mei get out of… Mei? Mei?!

(Meiling is back up on the beam. Using her cat-like dexterity, she has a much easier time crossing the beams. She grabs the clue with her mouth, and goes back about halfway before jumping from the last pole to the cliff, and then from the cliff to the ground. She delivers the clue to Syaoran.)

Guide: Well- you do Road Block so you leave now.

Syaoran: Uh…

(Meiling motions for Syaoran to hop on for a ride. As soon as he grabs both their bags and sits down… they collapse. They both end up walking the rest of the way, with Syaoran carrying both bags. They eventually reach the village.)

Cologne: Problems in Jusenkyo?

Syaoran: You can say that again.

Cologne: Don’t worry. We’ll find something that can fix that dear.

Shampoo: You team number five.

 

(The Wuhan plane lands, and Misato & Ritsuko and Ash & Brock are now in a battle for their lives. Misato & Ritsuko win the cabbie battle.)
[MISATO & RITSUKO- Currently in 6^th Place]
Ritsuko: (VO) It’s not where we wanted to be. We were hoping to be done with the frantic racing for elimination. We don’t like that. But now we’re almost positive that it’s down to us against Ash & Brock. We can’t hold back.

 

(Misato and Ritsuko reach the Road Block first. Ritsuko analyzes the beams.)

Ritsuko: You were drinking a bit on the plane… I’ll do it.

Misato: Fine by me. I’ll keep watch.

(Ash and Brock are right behind them.)

Brock: You sure, Ash?

Ash: Yep. No sweat!

(Both Ritsuko and Ash head up.)

Ash: (VO) It was down to us against them. Simple as that. All the other teams probably were there by the time we arrived, so it’s a battle for elimination. We’re racing Team Princess all over again.

 

(Ritsuko is using the technique of strafing instead of walking forward. She’s effective at keeping her balance, but is moving slightly slower than Ash. Ash is slightly ahead.)

Misato: (OS) C’mon Ritsuko! If I can do that on a chalk line, you can do that on a beam!

(Ritsuko sighs. She’s clearly a little uncomfortable, but maintains her course.)

Brock: (OS) Let’s go Ash! Keep it coming!

Misato: In my head I was planning out if it was possible to get ahead of those two after they get the clue first. But then it happened.

(Ash suddenly loses it. He falls off. Ritsuko hangs on and moves at her pace.)

Misato: (OS) Okay! Ritsuko, you’ve got this! Take your time!

(Splash! Ash falls into a spring. Brock comes running up. At this point, the guide is looking through his signs…)

Brock: Ash! Are you okay?

(Ladies and gentlemen- he’s an ox. He hoofs his way out of the water. Misato catches sight of it.)

Misato: What the hell?

(The guide finds the right sign and holds it up.)

Guide: He fall into Spring of Drowned Ox. Legend tell of ox who fall into spring twelve-hundred year ago. Now whoever fall into spring take body of ox. Very tragic story…

Misato: No, I mean what the hell’s an ox?

(Ritsuko arrives, clue in hand.)

Ritsuko: The ox was a work-bearing mammal used heavily for farming. It was one of the many species that went extinct during Second Impact.

Misato: Are you done?

Ritsuko: Yes.

Misato: Then let’s get going. I don’t want another animal as my boyfriend.

(Misato and Ritsuko run off.)

Brock: So what are we supposed to do? We can’t finish the challenge like this.

Guide: I hear hot water reverses process. I find some…

(After some wait, he returns with a kettle.)

Guide: Hopefully this work.

(He pours the kettle on Ash. Ash is back to being a human.)

Ash: That… was weird.

Guide: Yeah. Now you must do it again. Try not to fall this time!

(Brock looks down.)

Brock: Take your time Ash, they’re already gone.

(Ash is a bit dejected, but bravely and carefully navigates the beam and retrieves his clue. He returns to Brock and opens it.)

Ash: Walk west to the Pit Stop- the Amazon village of Joketsuzoku. The last team to arrive will be eliminated.

Brock: Damn…

(They begin their walk of shame.)

 

(Meanwhile, a very relieved Misato & Ritsuko reach the Pit Stop after a long walk.)

Shampoo: Welcome to Joketsuzoku.

Cologne: Misato and Ritsuko- you are team number six.

(Both nod in acceptance.)

 

(Ash and Brock finally arrive at the Pit Stop. Both are very disappointed.)

Shampoo: Welcome to Joketsuzoku.

Cologne: (sincere) Ash and Brock?

Ash: Don’t give us the dramatics, please?

Cologne: Very well… you’re team number seven.

(Both continue to shake their heads.)

Cologne: I said you’re team number seven!

(Eventually, it begins to dawn on Ash.)

Ash: Wait… how many teams were there again?

(Cologne bonks Ash on the head with her cane.)

Cologne: Eight!

Shampoo: Let me put in way you bozos understand- you *not* last team to arrive!

(Finally, they begin to understand. And they are up and rejoicing. They high-five, and Ash paces around, shocked that he’s still in it.)

Ash: You’re kidding me!

(Brock is more personable, and goes up to hug Shampoo. She kicks him in the face, sending him down immediately.)

Shampoo: I make you last team to arrive!!

 

(After long last, Spike and Jet reach Guangzhou and board a flight.)

Jet: (VO) We never got out of Hong Kong. That place just blew us away. You think running around one airport was hard? Do it in one that speaks a different language.

(They land in Xining.)

Spike: (VO) It’s a little humbling. Not so much that we’re out. I knew that for as long as we were on Earth, we were on thin ice. It’s not our place, and it’s not our time.

(They reach Jusenkyo. Spike reads the clue.)

Spike: Go to the Pit Stop- the Amazon village of Joketsuzoku.

(They begin the walk.)

Jet: (VO) It’s hard to admit that we were beaten by a pair of nine-year-olds. It stings. But in truth, they had a plan… and we didn’t. Simple as that.

 

(The sun is coming up on the next day when they step on the Pit Stop.)

Shampoo: Welcome to Joketsuzoku.

Cologne: Spike and Jet? You are the last team to arrive. You have both been eliminated.

(Both nod in understanding.)

Spike: (VO) What I got out of this was a different look at the Earth. You see it in our time, and it’s so radically different. In this time period, you get a glimpse of everything that begins to lead to the Earth in my time. It’s interesting to look at.

Jet: This was interesting. Very unusual, very frustrating… but definitely interesting.

Spike: But the real lesson is: Never trust anyone under twenty.

End Episode Four

 

Author’s Notes
Blah blah blah, do the poll, blah blah blah. Aw, let’s spice things up a bit- R&R too! Wait… you already read it. Oh well, a review couldn’t hurt.

That’s not a mistake up there. It is in fact Kurosawa-sensei who gets drunk and gives the girls a vivid description of her sexual history… which was muted and replaced by pretty images of flowers and pleasant instrumental music. It was quite ero-ero, and only rivaled by Chiyo-chan’s follow-up questions the next day.

Long live Ritsuko’s techno-babble!! Between her and “inner” Yukino (a term I’m stealing from “Naruto”), these camera confessionals are getting weird.

Sakura’s singing during the okonomiyaki scene is from the first episode of Azumanga Daioh, hence Ukyo’s comment. Chiyo sings it when cooking, and it translates into “let’s make something, let’s make something, but what will it be?” Which is a good question, since her early attempts do not end up as food.

Next Episode-
* Two new alliances are forged. One founded as a strategic move... the other because they're so darn cute.
* Not only do they have to catch another flight, but a very ambiguous location leaves teams baffled.
* And to avoid last place, one team orchestrates a hunt for the Fast Forward!