Introduction
(Mike Storch stands in an empty room in the Animation
Alliance headquarters.)
Mike: Greetings. I’m Mike Storch, head of the Fox Kids
division of the Animation Alliance. Last summer, the people here
held a competition featuring sixteen cartoon characters in our
own version of Survivor. It was an extreme success, beyond any
expectations we imagined. In the end, Tai Kamiya from Digimon
came out on top, besting Bart Simpson in the final round. Last
January, we continued the tradition with The Mole: Anime Edition.
That concluded when Tenchi Masaki of Tenchi Muyo fame unmasked
Tomoyo Daidouji from Cardcaptor Sakura as the Mole, laying claim
to $515,000. With the help of Tenchi’s friend Washu, Manny
Edwards, the head of Kid’s WB was able to hack into a bank,
get the money, and pay it off. Unfortunately, Washu demanded a
spot in The Mole 2: Anime Edition, scheduled this fall. There, 13
more anime characters get a shot at figuring out who the Mole is.
(Manny Edwards walks into view and joins Mike.)
Manny: Unfortunately, with the continued success of Survivor 2 in
the Australian Outback, many of the other guys were wondering why
we weren’t going to follow up in the phenomenally successful
battle between the USA and Anime. The answer was simple- we were
all dead tired. The original host, Tom Wallace, barely stove off
a lawsuit from the last one, and Barb Bresnick, who co-hosted
with me, had other projects that demanded higher attention, and
also didn’t want to deal with putting her Cartoon Network
characters into yet another reality series.
Mike: So it looked for a while like there would be no Animation Survivor 2. And frankly, none of us really minded. The first one was good enough, and didn’t need a pointless sequel.
Manny: Unfortunately for us, the Nickelodeon guy disagreed.
(Artie Elker slides in with a big smile on his face.)
Artie: That’s right! I mean, come on: when you’re trying to get eight characters deemed the "best in American animation," how can you not have Nickelodeon characters!?
(Manny and Mike both look extremely annoyed.)
Artie: Am I right? Am I right?
Mike: Um… yeah!
Manny: So we decided to indulge Artie here and put 16 different characters in to do battle in the middle of the Simpson Desert.
Artie: Hey, wouldn’t that be home field advantage for the Simpsons’ kids?
Manny: Artie… I can handle the rest, why don’t you and Mike get everything ready?
Artie: Oh, okay sure. They’re gonna love this!!
(Mike and Artie leave)
Manny: The cast is eclectic at best. 5 of the Americans are from Artie’s shows. Tom let us get a couple from the Simpsons and South Park to round out the list, but still- it ain’t much. As for the anime team- since Ash, Misty, and Tracey already played, and Brock wanted to save his energy for Mole 2, Pokémon wasn’t available. I grabbed Cardcaptors and Mike’s got plenty left over from Digimon to work, but without access to Cartoon Network, the other 2 anime characters would be hard to come by. But we handled it. I’m not saying we handled it well… but we handled it.
(Mike walks back in)
Mike: We filmed the entire series like usual, but because it didn’t have the magic, drama, or all around effort of the original…
Manny: Probably because none of us gave a damn.
Mike: …we’re not going to air the whole thing. Don’t tell Artie.
Manny: But since I’m sure a few people are curious, we have compiled the best of Animation Survivor 2 into a nifty little recap series. So without further ado, here is Animation Survivor 2- Out of Characters, Out of Energy, Out of Money:
(Low rent opening, featuring clips from the original Animation Survivor’s opening, despite the fact that this is in the Australian Outback rather than a Pacific isle. Generic character shots of all sixteen.)
American Tribe
Arnold- Hey Arnold
Eliza- Wild Thornberries
Gerald- Hey Arnold
Helga- Hey Arnold
Kenny- South Park
Milhouse- The Simpsons
Phoebe- Hey Arnold
Wendy- South Park
Japanese Tribe
Akito- Child’s Toy
Davis- Digimon
Kari- Digimon
Li- Cardcaptors
Madison- Cardcaptors
Sakura- Cardcaptors
Sana- Child’s Toy
T.K.- Digimon
Episode One- Day One
(Two helicopters are flying overhead. Inside the first one, a
generic pilot is flying, while Artie is in the passenger side.)
Artie: We’re flying over the Australian Outback right now.
It’s an exotic location that we chose because I already used
it for an episode of Wild Thornberries and the natives always
like the publicity, especially when I use them for extras. Now,
there are four shows representing the Americans this time, and
I’m going to go back and talk to a member of each of them.
(He opens the door to the back, which contains all eight American contestants, all extremely bunched up together due to the lack of space.)
Gerald: Hey man, what’s the seating capacity of this copter?
Artie: On second thought… maybe we’ll let you find
out more about them when they’re on the field. Mike?
(In the Japanese copter, Manny is piloting as Mike is in the
back, with the eight Japanese all scrunched together. The
helicopter takes a little dip, and the kids are suddenly laying
on top of each other. Mike tries signaling their attention, to no
avail.)
Kari: Okay… somebody’s feeling me up. Who is it? Davis?
Davis: Uh no… I’m stuck on the bottom.
Sana: Hayama? Are you feeling up Kari?!
Akito: No… I’m feeling up Sakura.
Sana: What?!
Sakura: You are? I don’t feel anything.
Akito: You don’t? Who do I have?
Li: Hey! Who just grabbed my…?
Mike: Uh… forget it.
(Montage of both teams, getting a bunch of stuff, and heading out to their camps. Shot of the Americans, lost. Arnold has the compass.)
Eliza: Are you sure we’re going the right way?
Arnold: Yes. I’m positive.
Helga: Look, we’ve been out here for God knows long, and we haven’t seen any sign of camp. Face it football-head- we’re lost!
Milhouse: Uh… we’ve only been walking for ten minutes.
Pheobe: They said that camp was five miles away.
Helga: C’mon Phebes, who’s side are you on?
(Shot of both teams arriving at camp. Everybody’s happy, and the American kids jump into the river nearby to celebrate. Over at the Japanese camp, they’re setting up a large cloth on woods for a shelter.)
Manny: (VO) While the Americans relax after a long walk, the Japanese tribe starts setting up a shelter, using a large cloth overhead.
(Li, Davis, TK, and Kari are setting up the shelter.)
Davis: Hey, whoever decided to bring this giant cloth was pretty smart!
TK: Yeah, it makes a fantastic shelter, and from the looks of it, I’d say it’s waterproof too!
(Madison walks in.)
Madison: Hey, has anybody seen a giant cloth? I was going to make Sakura a costume to bring, but I never got around to it. I brought the cloth in case I got bored and decided to make it. Have you seen it?
Davis/TK/Kari: Uh… no.
Madison: Hmm… I’ll ask Akito if he knows.
(Madison walks away. Interview shot of Sakura (as all italics
now will indicate).)
Sakura: Although it’s my first time in a Survivor game,
it’s not like it’s the first time in a reality series.
I learned a lot of great hints while playing the Mole with
Madison. Or is it Tomoyo? I’ll have to ask her sometime.
(Meanwhile, on the American side, Eliza is directing the building of the shelter.)
Artie: (VO) On the American side, Eliza’s experience in the wild has given her a knowledgeable edge on survival tips, which she demonstrates quite readily.
Eliza: I’ve spent a lot of time in the wild, and I know exactly how to survive out here. This is a great chance for me to put my knowledge to the test, and try this "tribal politics" game everybody talks about. The way I see it, if I impress everybody with my skills and show good command, the tribe will love me, and I’ll be the leader. It’s a great strategy, isn’t it?
Gerald: Eliza? Man, she is so bossy, I wish she’d just shut up and let the rest of us work!
(On a far corner of the camp, Helga is alone, holding out her
picture of Arnold, in her "dreamy" mode.)
Helga: Oh Arnold, the road of life yields yet another opportunity
for me to expound my true feelings to your football-headed
majestry. Castaway in a faraway locale, where only nature itself,
and these other six losers can see…
(Helga looks at the camera and suddenly turns angry.)
Helga: What are you looking at?
(Helga punches the camera. It goes dead. Turn to another camera, showing her from the side, at a bit of a distance. Milhouse walks up to her, curious.)
Helga: If only I can eliminate the six who try to come in our way, so it can be only…
Milhouse: Hey Helga, what are you…
(Helga, blindly punches him in the face, breaking his glasses.)
Milhouse: Hey!! Those were my glasses! I need those to see! We could also have used those to start a fire!!
Helga: (annoyed) Oh, go tell it to someone who cares.
Milhouse: But you don’t understand, I needed those! Phoebe’s glasses aren’t strong enough to do it, but mine are! I could have gotten us fire and…
Helga: Hey, Milhouse?
Milhouse: What?
Helga: Don’t take this personally- but you’re going down first. No offense, okay? You’re just bothering me. And I don’t like people who bother me. Understood?
(Helga puts a hand on his shoulder, then releases and walks away.)
Milhouse: Fine, fine, but still… my glasses!!
Day Two
(At the Japanese tribe, Davis and TK are furiously trying to
create some smoke by rubbing some sticks together in a
rhythm… provided by Sana on her Nori-Nori rapping machine.)
Sana: Come on go! Come on go! Gotta fire up you know! Rub! Rub! Rub! Rub! Rub! Rub! Rub! Yo!
(Davis stops rubbing and looks up at Sana)
Davis: Would you stop that, that’s really annoying!!
(Davis looks back over at TK.)
Davis: Ready to start again, TJ?
(Pan over to TK, whose hands are now smoking.)
TK: Ah… give me a minute. Where’s the river?
Kari: Over there.
(TK runs off, past Sakura and Madison.)
Madison: Hey Sakura- didn’t you bring a Clow Card as your luxury item?
Sakura: Oh yeah… I did.
Madison: Which one was it?
Sakura: Um… I think I grabbed Fiery, but I was in a bit of a hurry, so I’m not sure.
(Sakura looks through her bag, and pulls out a card.)
Sakura: Oh… it’s Rainy. (nervous laughter) I’m uh… sure that’ll come in handy… later… maybe…
Madison: Hey, just watch, I know it will!
(At the American side, Arnold, Phoebe, and Wendy are walking through the forest, looking for some food.)
Wendy: So since Stan, Kyle, and Cartman did such a s**tty job at this game, I figured that I’m going to show them how it’s really done!
Arnold: Well, I suppose. What about Kenny?
Wendy: Oh, I’m sure he’s just going to die eventually, so don’t count on him to win.
Phoebe: Really Wendy, I’d put more faith in your friends. I’m sure that the three that were in here last time from your show did as good as they could. Like what place did Cartman get?
Wendy: Dead last.
Phoebe: Oh. Never mind.
(Helga barges in.)
Helga: Move it sister, we’ve got to talk.
(Helga pushes Wendy out of the way, and off screen.)
Helga: Okay, you two listen up- this is a tough game, right? Tribal politics, secret alliances, backstabbing up the wazoo- sounds fun right?
Phoebe: Actually, I’d rather just play an honest…
Helga: So I figure there’s no better time to start than the present. And after careful consideration, I’ve decided that Milhouse is the first to go. Okay? Good.
Arnold: Why Milhouse?
Helga: Do I need to get the third degree from everybody? Milhouse is a little wiener, and that’s good enough logic for me. Now vote him off when we have Tribal Council… unless you’re some sort of backstabber. And I know you two aren’t backstabbers, so he’s as good as gone. Right? Right. Well, nice talkin’ to ya.
(Helga walks away.)
Phoebe: Should we?
Arnold: Eh. Got no one else to vote off.
Day Three
(Montage of the immunity challenge. It’s a relay through
the water to light a tower on fire. General shots of everybody.
The Japanese are moving quite well, while the Americans are
slipping up a bit, mostly dragged down by Phoebe’s small
stature. The Japanese win.)
Manny: (VO) After a grueling first immunity challenge, the Japanese win, and earn waterproof matches, and forcing the Americans to go to Tribal Council.
Wendy: I don’t know if it was just me, but Phoebe was really dragging us down out there. I bet we could have won if she wasn’t in the group.
(Everybody’s laying about around camp. Kenny is walking around (in his normal orange overcoat) on the beach near the woods when Gerald goes up to him.)
Gerald: Hey, you gonna be okay in that? It’s like 100 degrees outside, and I don’t think you should be walkin’ around in this weather in a winter coat. We gotta stay healthy to beat these guys, okay?
Kenny: (Unintelligible. Sounds like he’s telling Gerald off.)
Gerald: Okay, I’m not your dad. But if you get heat stroke it’s your own fault.
(Gerald begins to walk away. Kenny suddenly bursts into flames. He runs around screaming when Eliza runs up to try to help him.)
Eliza: Okay, um… stop, drop and roll!
(Kenny tries rolling, to no avail.)
Eliza: Somebody get a blanket!
Gerald: No way! We have to save those, I’m not letting our blankets get scorched.
Eliza: Well, what are we supposed to do?
(Kenny stops rolling, and the rats come in to feed off him, although he’s still on fire.)
Eliza: Oh my God…
Gerald: Guys, we’ve got fire! Find a place to keep it, his carcass won’t stay ablaze long!
(Arnold and Wendy rush onto the scene.)
Wendy: Yeah, and those rats are burning to death while trying to eat him. It’s like a barbecue!
Arnold: Uh… go team go!
Tribal Council
(Overhead shots of the Tribal Council set.)
Artie: (VO) At Tribal Council, the unholy alliance immediately
made its presence felt.
(Shot of Gerald, voting "ELIZA")
Gerald: She acts so bossy, and I couldn’t stand being around
her for another day!
(Gerald walks away.)
Artie: (VO) Whoops, cut to the next one.
(Shot of Arnold, holding "MILHOUSE")
Arnold: Um… I don’t have anybody to vote for, so you
seem like a safe bet.
(Shot of Phoebe, holding "MILHOUSE")
Phoebe: This is a tough game… and I don’t exactly know
what you did wrong but every mistake counts.
(Shot of Eliza, holding "MILHOUSE")
Eliza: His glasses could have helped us get fire, but he went and
stupidly got them broken. Those kinds of mistakes can’t be
tolerated.
(Shot of Wendy, holding "PHOEBE")
Wendy: You cost us immunity. Um… I’ll have more next
time, okay?
(Shot of Manny, as he finishes of reading the votes.)
Manny: And the first person voted off the tribe is… Milhouse. The last vote doesn’t matter and Kenny’s dead. Milhouse, your torch?
Milhouse: Is this making up for Bart and Lisa doing unrealistically well?
Manny: Probably.
(Shot of Manny, extinguishing Milhouse’s torch.)
Artie: (VO) Milhouse, the only representative of the Simpsons, is the first one voted out of the American Tribe. But he’s not a Nick show, so who cares, right?
Episode One Voting Record
Milhouse- (4): Arnold, Eliza, Phoebe, Helga
Phoebe- (2): Milhouse, Wendy
Eliza- (1): Gerald
Unable to Vote Due to Mortality- Kenny
Episode Two- Day Four
(Akito, TK, and Kari are out fishing.)
Kari: So why are you and Sana here? I mean, I’m sure that
Child’s Toy is just a good a show as anything else, but
it’s not shown in America and makes me wonder why
they’d put it in.
TK: Is it because of you guys playing the Mole?
Akito: I guess so. They ran out of shows, and just decided to get us in for the hell of it.
TK: Well I’m okay with it… just as long as you don’t kill me with paintballs again!
(TK laughs)
Akito: No need, that’s what Tribal Council is for.
(TK stops laughing)
Kari: Um… were you serious about that?
Akito: It’ll probably happen eventually. Probably not now. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
Kari: Say, I was wondering… who actually was the Mole?
Akito: Tomoyo. Or is it Madison now?
TK: Madison? I’ll have to keep my eye on her!
Kari: Oh TK, it’s not like she’s a Mole now.
Akito: Never know.
(Americans are doing normal chores around camp.)
Artie: (VO) Meanwhile, the Americans were in for quite a surprise as an old friend drops by.
(Kenny appears out of thin air.)
Wendy: Hey Kenny, can you help me boil this water?
(Kenny goes over to help Wendy.)
Artie: (VO) Hey! You’re supposed to act surprised!!
(Arnold and Gerald are walking through the woods.)
Gerald: So what do you think of Eliza?
Arnold: Eliza? She certainly knows what she’s doing. She’s goes a little far to get her way, but she’s done a lot for the tribe, so I think she’s an asset to the team.
Gerald: Yeah, but you said she goes a little far to get her way. That’s a minor character flaw, and minor character flaws like that means she has to be voted off!
Arnold: Oh. Where does it say that?
Gerald: Haven’t you ever seen this game Arnold?
Day Five
(Shot of TK, dramatically jumping off a cliff into a river
during the reward challenge.)
Manny: (VO) The reward challenge was certainly difficult, forcing the players to jump from a 35-foot cliff and ride a crate of blankets down some rapids.
(Shot of Akito, visibly nervous, hesitating a bit. Sana comes up from behind and pushes him in. She quickly follows. Over on the other side, Phoebe hesitates a bit before jumping in.)
Manny: (VO) After a few early hesitations, the Japanese were the first in the water, and rode the rapids to victory.
(Shot of the Japs carrying the crate across the finish line,
and celebrating like crazy. They pull out a number of warm
blankets. All are happy.)
(Over at Japanese camp, everyone seems quite content.)
Sana: We’re having no problems, just coasting through the game, and winning all the challenges. It’s great!!
Kari: When it’s not broke, don’t fix it. Everybody’s pulling their weight, everybody’s getting along.
(Shot of Davis, regailing the other seven with his wit. The others laugh at his futile effort. Davis joins in too.)
Davis: These kids are great. There’s nobody that’s doing anything wrong, and nobody’s pissing anyone off or nothing!
(Shot of everybody again, happy. This time, Sana is entertaining everybody.)
Mike: (VO) The Japanese have formed some sort of a utopia while out here, and it’s amazing how it was accomplished. Through hard work and friendship…
Manny: (VO) Eh, shut up Mike, we all know this is boring as
hell. Let’s go over to the American side, it’s much
more entertaining!
(Shot of Gerald, Eliza, Phoebe, Arnold, and Kenny. They are working together on improving the shelter.)
Eliza: Okay, so if we tied these strings together this way, it keeps the shelter so much more waterproof than before.
Arnold: Really?
Phoebe: Amazing.
Eliza: Hey, don’t worry guys, with me around, we’re going to be fine!
(Eliza walks away. Gerald goes up to her.)
Gerald: See what I mean, she’s just bossing us around, trying to be the leader in the tribe.
Phoebe: Given our lack of experience, being the ungrateful city slickers that we are, Eliza is in the best position to lead the tribe Gerald.
Arnold: I don’t have any problems.
Gerald: Oh… (lying) but I saw her eating beef jerky that she had stashed away. She’s holding out on us.
Arnold/Phoebe/Kenny: Mutiny!!
Arnold: I can’t imagine the nerve of Eliza eating something which she couldn’t possibly have smuggled aboard behind our backs. It’s just so out of place for her to do it… yet here we are.
Kenny: (Goes into long interview, which is totally unintelligible. But he sounds pissed.)
Eliza: I didn’t stash any beef jerky. I don’t even like beef jerky! There’s no proof anyway. I’m sure the others will figure that out.
Helga: I have no doubt that Eliza’s got a hidden
stash. I mean, I do. But I don’t think it’s any reason
to hold it against her, even though there is a silent power
struggle going on between me and her that goes so deep that mere
interviews can’t describe it.
Day Six
(The fifteen are gathered for a bug-eating immunity
challenge. There’s a wheel of various delicacies in the
middle. Shot of various characters eating without a problem,
including Phoebe, who looks quite hesitant, but manages to get
her cow’s brain down.)
Manny: (VO) At the immunity challenge, various outback taste treats have to be digested. Most handle the job okay.
(Shot of Sakura, who can’t keep her grub down.)
Manny: (VO) Some can’t.
(Shot of Kenny, who eats whatever it is. He promptly falls over, dead. Eliza goes up to him.)
Eliza: Hm… I always heard those were poisonous. I guess I was right.
Manny: Let’s see… Kenny regurgitated it before dying, so the Americans lose a point.
(Shot of Akito, who shrugs and eats the exact same thing Kenny died eating.)
Manny: And it looks like we have a tie!
(Shot of Sakura and Phoebe, squaring off.)
Manny: (VO) To break the tie, immunity will be decided by the person who can eat a mangrove worm the fastest. Whoever gets it all down first gets their team immunity.
(They go at it. Phoebe shudders a bit at the thought of it. This gives Sakura the time to get everything down successfully. The Japanese get the idol, then go over and celebrate again.)
Manny: (VO) Once again, the Japanese win, and the boring utopia continues.
(Over at the American side, Wendy is eying Phoebe down.)
Phoebe: Look guys, I’m sorry for…
Wendy: Well you should be! That’s the third challenge in a row we’ve lost because of you!
Helga: Jeez Wendy, mellow out.
Wendy: I don’t want to mellow out! This is Survivor, we’re supposed to have personality conflicts, and I get dibs on one with Phoebe!
Eliza: Okay, I’m sure we can all handle this like mature individuals.
Wendy: That’s no fun!!! Phoebe, you’re fine to get along with, but because you keep costing us immunity, you’re a [string of incessant beeping that goes on for way too long.]
(Wendy sits down, everybody’s in shock.)
Helga: Phebes, you aren’t going to sit there and take that are you?
Phoebe: I don’t see why I shouldn’t. It is my fault we lost immunity those times. She has good reason to be angry with me. I apologize profusely for everything I’ve done so far, and hope we can still be friends.
Helga: (dry) Oh… how cute.
Gerald: How can you be mad at her for saying that?
Wendy: I don’t care if you’re the nicest person in
the world, I still want you gone.
Tribal Council
(Shot of Helga, voting for "WENDY")
Helga: Hey look. Word of advise- you don’t mess with my
friends. You messed with my friend, and now you’re going to
pay.
(Shot of Eliza, voting for "PHOEBE")
Eliza: Although Wendy could have been more polite in saying it,
she’s right. Phoebe is a weak link, and I think she has to
be removed if we are to succeed.
(Shot of Phoebe, voting for "ELIZA")
Phoebe: Jerky hog.
(Shot of Arnold, voting for "ELIZA")
Arnold: Jerky hog.
(Shot of Gerald, voting for "ELIZA")
Gerald: Jerky hog… even though I made it up.
(Shot of Wendy, voting for "PHOEBE")
Wendy: Well, I said I’d have more next time, and I do- you
cost us immunity again!!
(Shot of Manny, reading off the votes.)
Manny: The sixth vote… is for Eliza.
Eliza: Hey, you know this is really unfair without Kenny. If he’s still playing this game, he should get a vote too.
Manny: Oh, right… we have that covered. Every night, in the event he dies the next day, we ask Kenny to cast a vote for somebody, in case he isn’t alive to witness council.
(Manny retrieves one more vote card and holds it up, reading "JERKY HOG.")
Manny: Unfortunately, in this instance, it only accentuates the results. Eliza?
(Shot of Eliza, taking her torch up to Manny, where it gets extinguished.)
Artie: (VO) Although I must remain entirely neutral- this was a really stupid pick. These kids are screwed now!
Episode Two Voting Record
Eliza- (4): Arnold, Gerald, Kenny, Phoebe
Phoebe- (2): Eliza, Wendy
Wendy- (1): Helga
(Shot of the room, which has been fitted with a "sports commentator" style desk. Manny sits in the center, with Mike and Artie at either side. The monitor behind them has the final shot of Eliza being removed, but it disappears to be replaced with the Animation Survivor logo. Not Animation Survivor 2, they didn’t have time to draw up a new one.)
Manny: Well, after two episodes, the Japs are kicking royal American booty. Three challenges won, and the only way I can describe the camp is using the word utopia.
Mike: I agree. It’s an amazing sight, and a testament to the fact that conflict does not need to arise, and that any situation can be handled properly when…
Manny: But it’s still boring as hell. Now the American side- that’s where the action is.
Artie: It’s Survivor at it’s best baby! Gerald using all-out lies to get Eliza voted off, obviously due to the threat he perceives her as, Wendy laying it to Phebes, and Helga coming to her bud’s rescue. It’s great TV!
Manny: Right… anyway, the recap will continue soon with the next three episodes. Milhouse Van Houten and Eliza Thornberry are the first two voted off, and the Japanese are working on a perfect game.
Mike: However, the next three episodes may change everything, as the Japanese can’t stay perfect forever, can they? What happens when the model tribe is forced to vote off one of their own?
Artie: Stick around! It’s gonna be great!!