"Roomies 2: Country Living" - written by Freedom Fighter After struggling to come up with ideas for the skits, I came up with some great ones for the series! Well, at least I think they're great. Hopefully you'll all think so too. Of course, because I try to limit episodes to about 20 pages per episode, there's no way I could've fit the entirety of both skits in here. So you'll only see the best parts. If you want to the see the whole script, you're in luck... that is, if you're on the mailing list. Mailing list members are getting copies of the two skits as they were performed. Episode Rating: PG-13, for suggestive situations and a word or two of profanity Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters at this time. They are being borrowed for this fic for your enjoyment. ====== Tenchi: (VO) Last time, on Roomies... Ryoko: Okay, I want to see what all of you are able to do. Gohan: Oh boy... looks like we've got a lot of work to do. Tenchi: (VO) The group had to punch and kick their way through the next challenge... Mondo then gives Bit two quick jabs in the stomach. Bit's face turns pale white as he falls to his knees and clutches his stomach with his hands. Mondo: (to Gohan) You're right! It worked! Tenchi: (VO) With some interesting fights, of course... Kiyone: I'll win this time! Ryoko: We'll see about that! DBZ Announcer: Any comments, Tenchi? After all, you do live with these two. Tenchi: (holding up an umbrella) Just hope Ryoko doesn't tear the ring apart. Genki: Let's get this show on the road! Mondo: Take this! He jumps up and aims his kick right at Genki's chest area. Genki, rolling backwards, falls off of the edge of the ring, landing on his backside on the grass. Tenchi: (VO) In the end, Chi-Chi's team claimed victory... Chi-Chi: Good going, team! We did it! Mondo: Outstanding! Keitaro: (wiping the sweat off of his forehead) I'm glad that's over. Tenchi: (VO) But while praising at one point, Chi-Chi reprimands at another... Chi-Chi: The next time I catch someone touching anyone else inappropriately, no matter how much, I'll put in a request to have those involved change rooms. Melfina: You're breaking us up? Mondo: There's nothing between us! Roger: We were drunk like hell that night. Chi-Chi: I'm putting all of you on notice right now! I'm not going to tolerate it anymore! Bit: Chi-Chi's gone off the deep end. Tenchi: (VO) How high will emotions run this week? Find out right now... = = = = = = = = = = Tenchi: (VO) For 42 days, 12 anime converge to live in a mansion somewhere in Japan... Mimi: (VO) But one of the 12 will leave with nearly a million dollars in cash... (Begin theme song, showing each of the contestants one at a time for two seconds each) - Kiyone, working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant - Melfina, guiding the Outlaw Star to the Galactic Leyline - Mondo, asking Beginner to summon a monster for him and Rockna - Roger, climbing down into an abandoned subway tunnel - Chi-Chi, cheering Goten on at the World Martial Arts Tournament - Joey, standing aside as Yugi examines his card deck - Duo, setting up explosives in order to destroy a Gundam - Keitaro, watching Naru and Mutsumi splash each other in the sea - Jeri, telling Takato how cute Guilmon is at their first meeting - Jessie, reading through the Pokémon Fortune Tellers' guide book - Bit, examining the three Liger Zero armor packages - Faye, noticing that Ed is still playing an online chess game (Show scenes of Chi-Chi in the process of cooking dinner; Roger standing outside in only his robe; Jeri delegating duties to her team; and Joey openly flirting with a girl) Mimi: (VO) Some of them will become friends... Tenchi: (VO) Others will develop grudges against those they hate... Mimi and Tenchi: (VO) But only one will walk away with up to a million dollars in cash and prizes. (End theme song, with a picture of all 12 contestants standing in front of the mansion.) = = = = = = = = = = Episode 11 - Dance or I'll Shoot (08.20.02) Day Twenty Three Departing from the office room, Madison and Giselle lead their teams to opposite ends of the building. Let's start with Madison's team, which has gone to a room used for fitness classes. Her six team members gather around her. Madison: Okay, as you all know, you have to create a ten to fifteen minute long skit in which two of you will fall in love. What Tenchi didn't tell you is that two of you actually have to kiss each other during it. A few murmurs can be heard from the group, either in excitement or in nervousness. Jeri: (CC) I've never been kissed anyone before. That's normal for my age, right? Keitaro: (CC) Kiss? Uh, um... well... Duo: Let's just make it easy on ourselves, guys. Melfina and I will be the ones who fall in love, okay? Bit: That's fine by me. Keitaro: Me too. Joey and Jeri: Yeah. Madison: Okay, now that that's settled, we have to come up with some ideas for a great skit! ====== Meanwhile, Giselle has led her team to another empty office room at the other end of the building. There, she is already discussing the challenge with them. Giselle: So I'm responsible for buying and/or making any clothing or props that you may need for the skit. She pulls out a tape measurer out of her blouse pocket. Giselle: So while you guys are trying to figure out what to do for your skit, I'll be taking your measurements. (points at Mondo) I might as well start with the smallest one. Mondo: I'm not that small! Giselle: Oh, hush up! I'm only doing you first because you'll be the easiest for me to measure. Now, go over to that corner, please. Giselle points to the corner of the room behind her and to the right. Mondo gets up and follows her directions. Giselle: Stand up straight and move only when I tell you too, okay? As she takes Mondo's measurements, the other five team members brainstorm a few ideas. Kiyone: I think that since all of us come from hands-on action shows, I think that we should have an action/adventure base for our skit. Faye: Yeah, but what exactly? Jessie: Ooh, how 'bout a Wild West skit? After all, my name was inspired by half of the name of a famous gunslinger! Kiyone: Technically, that would be only your dub name. Still, it sounds like a good idea to me. Chi-Chi: I like it. I think we should do it. Roger: I'm surprised you're so cool about this. After all, two of us do have to kiss. Chi-Chi: Because I'm confident that you guys can decide on that and pick out a couple that's willing to do it. Kiyone: (sighs) Too bad Duo and Melfina are on the other team. They'd do it in a heartbeat. Roger: Who says we need them? (glances at Faye) Faye and I can handle the part. Faye: (shouting) If all of you make me do a kissing scene with him, I will walk out on this project right now! Roger: What's wrong with kissing me? Chi-Chi: Roger's right. After what happened two nights ago, there's no way I'm letting you pursue that relationship any further! Faye: Thank God! I agree with you wholeheartedly, Chi-Chi! Roger: (crossing his arms over his chest) I don't believe this. Kiyone: Actually, Roger will have to kiss one of the women on this team. I doubt you'd approve of Mondo smooching with one of us. Chi-Chi: Then we'll do what's right. Roger and I will be the ones who kiss. Roger: (jumping back) What? No way! We agreed that there was too much of an age difference between us! Faye: (glancing at Kiyone and Jessie) That just leaves you two. Kiyone: (quickly) Not it! Jessie: What? That's not fair! Kiyone: I guess Jessie and Roger will be the ones who kiss. Jessie and Roger: You're kidding! No way! Kiyone: Okay, we'll vote. All those opposed to having them kiss, raise your hand. Jessie and Roger raise their hands. Everyone looks at Mondo in the corner, who is paying attention, but doesn't have his hand raised. Kiyone: All those in favor? Kiyone, Faye, Chi-Chi, and Mondo raise their hands. Jessie and Roger growl silently to themselves as Kiyone makes a note of their decision. Meanwhile, Mondo resumes his pose as Giselle moves on to measuring his waist. Mondo: (CC) Could I have asked for anything better? A beautiful girl like Giselle, sizing me up! If only I wasn't already with Rockna, I'd ask Giselle out in a heartbeat. Giselle: Spread your legs, please. I need to take an inseam measurement. Mondo: Huh? What's that? She reaches down and starts measuring between Mondo's legs. Mondo: Wait a minute, what are you doing down there? Giselle: Shut up and stand still! This'll only take a second or two. And it would help if you'd look straight ahead instead of looking at what I'm doing! Mondo faces straight again, blushing slightly as Giselle 'measures' him. ====== Back with the other team, Madison has already begun to look over each of her team members. She's currently working on Jeri as the others continue plotting out their skit. Jeri: So, what do you think? If we do this skit, do you think I'd do well? Madison: Of course! In fact... (starry-eyed) I bet you'd look gorgeous as a fairy! Madison pulls out a photo out of the fairy-like costume Sakura had worn while capturing the Time card. Jeri: (sweatdrops) But we haven't decided on if there'll be one or not. Madison: But even if there isn't, you'd have to admit that you'd look cute in this! Of course, I don't have it with me, so I'd have to make another one from scratch. Jeri: Wouldn't it be easier if I just wore a normal ballerina's outfit? Madison: Nonsense! You're more likely to attract attention with one of my costumes on instead of a plain old pink tutu! Jeri sweatdrops again as Madison circles her, trying to visualize Jeri with the costume on. ====== The day grows on, as both teams now have ideas for their skits, as well as some preliminary scripts. The scripts didn't go without any objections. Well, almost... Jessie: I can't believe that you made me the villain! Kiyone: Well, you are the only one on the team with any experience being one. Roger: Besides, you just wouldn't look right as a good guy. Jessie: Then if I'm the villain, why do I have to kiss Roger? Kiyone: Because Roger's the neutral guy who's friends with Faye, so he allows you, her, and Chi-Chi to hide out while working for him. Faye and Giselle walk up to the group. Faye: As long as Roger keeps his hands to himself, this'll work out fine. Giselle: Chi-Chi and Mondo are next door, writing up most of the script. But I guess that you guys wanted to practice the kissing scene, so... Jessie: What, you little brat! I never said that! Roger: Neither did I! Kiyone: I did. After all, I am the captain. And we have to make sure that when we perform this in front of an audience, it looks convincing. Reluctantly, Roger and Jessie turn to face each other. They stare for a few seconds. Then, out of the blue, Jessie quickly pecks Roger on the lips. Giselle: (yelling) You call that a kiss? A snail and a mouse could lock lips better than you two! Jessie: Excuse me? Giselle: A simple peck signifies a one-person crush. A liplock signifies a two-person one! It takes two to be in love! So why weren't you kissing back, Roger? Roger: How the hell do you kiss back a peck? Faye: Why don't you tell me why we're getting kissing advice from a girl who technically isn't even a teenager yet? Kiyone: Could we not argue about how reliable Giselle's advice is and instead focus on doing this right? Jessie: It would've been right if Roger would've kissed back like he's supposed to! Roger: How do I know that I'm supposed to? We haven't even seen the script yet! ====== Moving on later in the day, as the brown team practices their routine. Their dancing routine, actually, as Madison instructs Melfina, Jeri, and Bit on how to dance. Bit: I thought that my character in the skit doesn't know how to dance. Madison: But by the end, you do. So you have take some lessons, just like Melfina and Jeri are for their parts. Melfina: I've never done this before. Are you sure we can do this? Madison: Well, you guys will never know until you try. Besides, you decided as a group that this was what you wanted to do. Jeri: Okay then. Madison: Let's try this... try standing on your toes, like a ballerina. She gets up on her toes, standing up as straight as possible while at the same time looking comfortably relaxed. Melfina gets it easily, and so do Jeri and Bit, after a few tries. Madison: That's great! Off to the side, Keitaro and Joey are talking about the script that their team wrote up. Keitaro: Are you sure we can do this? Joey: Hey, I'm not exactly comfortable with doing it either. We just gotta wing it and hope everyone still thinks of us as normal afterwards. Keitaro: (sighs) Narusegawa and the others are never gonna think about me the same ever again. ====== Night Twenty Three That night, back at the mansion, all of the guys are meeting secretly down in the basement recreation room to discuss some strategy. Roger: Who does Chi-Chi think she's fooling, doing the goody-good act when all she wants to do is to make us miserable? Duo: I admit that maybe she's stepping out of bounds, but is this absolutely necessary? Roger: Yes. To show Chi-Chi that we mean business. Mondo and I will throw the challenge so that our team loses. Mondo: We're gonna do WHAT? Keitaro: I'm in this to beat Kiyone in a challenge fair and square! I don't want my team to win that way! Joey: Dude, you're either very brave or way over your head! Duo: You're asking for it, man. Chi-Chi will be over you like a ton of bricks. Roger: This needs to be done. To teach her a lesson. Keitaro: I can't believe I'm hearing this. Keitaro walks out of the room. Mondo, Duo, and Joey follow soon afterwards. Bit: I don't know. This seems like a lost cause to me. Roger: Just perform as normal. You guys don't have to do anything. It'll all be on me and Mondo. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Day Twenty Four The following afternoon, the two teams return to the community center to try on their outfits and do some last minute rehearsals. Madison and Giselle are showing off some the costumes and props that were bought and/or made for the challenge. Madison: (holding up tights) Here are a pair of nice green tights. Now all I need is a cap with a feather in it, and it's the perfect costume for our own little Robin Hood. Giselle: (with a plastic bag that has a yen sign on it) Japanese yen? (holds a similar bag with a dollar sign on it) Or American dollars? Don't ask me how to convert between the two. I didn't win the first Roomies anyway. Madison: (holding up a CD) I found this one shopping in the bargain bin, of course a rarity for me. But I think it'll fit the scene perfectly. Giselle: (pointing at a line of shoes) Look at all of these shoes! (picks up a white high-heeled pair) Nothing in the Wild West screamed out 'woman' like these babies! Kiyone will have some fun shooting around in these! Madison: (with a tutu) Look's like an ordinary tutu, right? (pulls out a matching set of underwear that's slightly bigger than normal) Let's just call it 'comfort space' for one of our players. Giselle: (aims a gun at the camera) Don't worry, it's not real! But amazingly I was able to find guns that not only looked real, but sounded real as well. I'd give you a test, but we might scare some people off. ====== Inside, Bit and Duo were in one of the makeshift dressing rooms, putting on their outfits for the play on. Bit: I didn't spend my whole life salvaging Zoid parts to dress in tights! Duo: It's better to not think about how tight these things are. After all, they'll get more comfortable as the day goes on. Duo then winces as he adjusts his tights to be a bit more comfortable. Duo: Dang, how does Heero breathe in these things? ====== And in another, Jessie and Chi-Chi are practicing their lines one last time. Chi-Chi: But I don't think that guy's right for you! Jessie: You can't tell me what to do! I... um... uh... LINE! Chi-Chi: You said you practiced last night! Jessie: I meant too, but I was too tired that I went straight to bed! Chi-Chi: You'd better start memorizing that script! Gee, we gave you the lead role and you're still not in character! Jessie: I'll get it! I'll be ready for tonight! ====== Night Twenty Four [Physical Challenge 4: The Love Diaries] As night falls on the city of Okayama, people are streaming into the community center to see the show. A red banner hanging above the front door reads, in white letters, 'The Love Diaries, starring the cast of Roomies. Wednesday, February 13, 2002 at 8 p.m.' Inside, the gym had been turned into a mini-auditorium with rows and rows of chairs, all being filled by the second. At one end of the gym is a makeshift stage with curtains and lights already set up. That area is marked off and guarded carefully so that no one can see the performers before the show. All of a sudden, the show starts as fanfare begins to play. Tenchi steps out on stage and is greeted by applause from the audience. Tenchi: Good evening and welcome to 'The Love Diaries!' Tonight, you will see two great skits performed by 12 talented individuals. They're all here for one reason. And that's to leave here $100,000 richer. At least in theory, as they are all members of the cast of 'Roomies.' The audience claps again. Tenchi: Before we begin, I'd like to tell you all that we have a panel of judges here tonight to decide on which team wins tonight. Swing over to the five-judge panel, which consists of two men and three women. Tenchi: We'll start at the far left with this young girl who I used to know. How she got here's a trade secret, but the production staff decided to torture me a bit by bringing her here. From the series "Tenchi in Tokyo," it's Sakuya Kumashiro. Sakuya waves silently to a round of modest applause. Tenchi: I'm also confused on to how this guy got here, but he's a cowboy from 70 years in the future. And trust me, cowboys in the future are different from the cowboys of the past. Here's Spike Spiegel from "Cowboy Bebop." A round of thunderous applause greets Spike, despite his sour mood for being dragged into this. Tenchi: Enter Ayla Ternach, the fanfiction author who spends her free time chasing boys around. Her obsessions include pink umbrellas, body piercings, chesse, and bishonen. You may not want to mess with this gothic chick, because rest assured you'll walk out of it glomped. Ayla smiles as a few of the single men in the audience shudder with fear. Tenchi: You may know him, you may hate him, you're nuts if you like him, but hey, he's nuts as well so that doesn't matter. All the way from England, this is Christop... Chromus: That's Chromus! No-one reveals my name! Tenchi: (sarcastic apology) Sorry, Chromus... general psychopath. Chromus: Hey... that's only on weekends! The audience applauds the well-known author. Tenchi: And last but not least, this girl's got a heart of steel. That's right, steel. That's because she's a robot. Or an android, whichever term you prefer. She also hails from the future... one probably darker than the one that Spike over there comes from, but nevertheless, she's here. Meet Dorothy Wainwright of the series "The Big O." Dorothy receives the smallest amount of applause of all, but probably only because she's not really that famous. Tenchi: Now that we've met the five judges, can I just ask who put this panel together? I bet these five don't know one single rule of love collectively! Sakuya, Spike, Ayla, Chromus, and Dorothy: Like you can talk! Tenchi: Yeah... go ahead and mock my ignorance of not falling in love with the girls that live under the same roof as I do. Anyway, I guess we'd better get this show started. We're having the coaches who helped put these skits together do the introductions for our teams... Backstage, the first team is setting up. Jessie, Faye, Chi-Chi, and Roger all hustle over to the right side of the stage, while Kiyone and Mondo remain on the left. The other team is off to the side as they have to wait for their turn. Tenchi: (on the other side of the curtain) Ladies and gentlemen, the coach of tonight's first group of performers, Pokémon's Giselle Gravelpot! Kiyone: (in a loud whisper) Everybody ready? She gets a nod of approval from her whole team. ====== Back out front, Giselle gets a warm round of applause (and a few catcalls) as she walks up on stage and is handed the microphone by Tenchi. She's dressed in her Pokémon Tech uniform as she gets to her position at center stage. Giselle: A story is only as good as the person who wrote it. But truth be told, actors are the ones that bring the show to life. They're the ones that the audience notices. A person may write a good story, but it's the actor's job to make sure their story remains good when they perform it. Tonight, the skit you are about to see... was written by six individuals whose writing skills are on par with those of the entire hamster ensemble of 'Hamtaro.' A few laughs can be heard from the crowd. Giselle: (winks) Let's hope their performance tonight proves that they can act better than the play suggests. For your entertainment, here are Kiyone, Jessie, Roger, Faye, Mondo, and Roger, in "Saddle the Secret." The audience claps as Giselle walks off the stage, microphone in hand, and the curtains open behind her. ====== As the curtain opens and the lights come up, Mondo, dressed in his normal clothes except for the cowboy boots on his feet, can be seen sitting in a chair on the left side of the stage, behind a wooden desk. A makeshift window made of a cardboard frame and plastic representing the glass itself sits on top of the desk. Next to Mondo are three white plastic grocery bags, each with the Japanese yen sign on it. On the right side of the stage is a set of old Western saloon doors with wheels attached to the bottom. Mondo: (without looking at the audience) What an ordinary day for the 1st National Bank of Baggerville. This small town, with a population of 21, is used to peaceful days like this. Mondo then opens the desk drawer and pulls out a roll of coins, which he shows to the audience. He then slams it down on the edge of the table, cutting the roll into two unequal pieces. Tearing off what remained of the paper wrapper, he empties the coins onto the table and starts to count them out aloud. Mondo: One, two, three, four, five... ooh, a ten yen coin! What's that doing in here? Mondo blatantly throws it out into the front row of the audience, where a few select members scramble for it... only to find out that it was only a single yen coin. Mondo: The things some people do for money. The audience laughs at the money-hungry fools in the front row. Then, the doors then swing open. One at a time, three women, all dressed in cowboy duds, walk on from off-stage. The first happens to be Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi: Stick 'em up! This here is a robbery! Chi-Chi pulls out a six-shooter from her gun holster and points it towards the other side of the stage. At this point, Faye steps out... but she's not dressed in cowboy duds. She's dressed up in her normal clothes. Mondo: (CC) I look across the stage, and Faye's not in her costume! What's going on here? Faye smiles and puts on a pair of purple-lensed sunglasses before pulling out her own six-shooter... from between her shoulder and her left armpit. Faye: We're the Real Cowgirls! Get on the floor and no one will get hurt! Jessie enters... dressed in her Team Rocket uniform. Jessie: Prepare for trouble and make it double! Give us all your money... don't be a dummy! She pulls out her own six-shooter and points it at the front row of the audience. Chi-Chi: (CC) I'm looking over at both Kiyone and Mondo, and I know they're confused as heck wondering why Faye and Jessie are not in costume. Faye: (CC) There was no way I was going to be on stage for that long in a costume as uncomfortable as that one was. Mondo reaches down to his right and picks up the plastic bags of yen. But as soon as he hands each one to Chi-Chi, she promptly tears the bags up, causing a mess of coins and bills to fall to the ground. Mondo: (outraged) What was that for? I'm giving you the blasted money! Chi-Chi pulls back the hammer on her gun, shutting up Mondo and causing him to gulp in fear. Chi-Chi: You trying to screw us over or something? Faye: This is a Wild West skit, kid! We want American dollars! Mondo: Here! You happy? Chi-Chi: That's it? That's all you have? Mondo: You expecting to walk out of here with the lottery or somethin'? Chi-Chi: (grabbing a bag) This is the last time we do one of your plans! Faye: (grabbing the other two) So this is all my fault? Jessie: The sheriff's on the way! He'll take us to jail for sure! Chi-Chi: Time to bail! Let's saddle up, girls! Kiyone: (CC) So far, the audience is loving this. But will the judges feel the same way? If only Jessie and Faye were in costume like they were supposed to be. The sheriff steps onstage through the doors. To the audience's surprise, the sheriff isn't a man, but a woman. It's Kiyone, decked out from top to bottom in cowboy attire, including the leather vest, the red handkerchief tied around her neck, hip-hugging jeans, and a pair of white high-heeled cowboy boots. A yellow star pinned over her vest's left breast pocket signifies her as the town's sheriff.] Kiyone: I can't believe you let them get away, deputy. Mondo: What was I supposed to do, slap the gun out of her hand and headbutt her? Mondo pulls out a slingshot from his back pocket. Mondo: What am I supposed to do, poke a guy's eye out? There's no way these three are going to be threatened by a peashooter. ====== The play, for the most part, proceeds as normal. Let's skip ahead a scene or two, shall we? A man dressed in a black tuxedo is sitting in a chair behind the desk. Faye is standing right in front of the desk, with Chi-Chi and Jessie behind her, sitting down in chairs themselves. Faye: (pleading) I beg you Roger, please let us stay! Roger: The last time you stayed here with your rouge of bandits, you wrecked the place, got drunk beyond belief, and shot dead my favorite customer! Roger sighs in defeat, then walks offstage. Faye cheers happily as she hops back to the others. Faye: I knew he'd give in! Jessie: Why doesn't that sound reassuring? Roger: (off-screen) You! The one with the red hair! Jessie: (standing up) What? Jessie walks towards the left side of the stage, but then is stopped when a red colored dress is thrown in her face. She looks as if she's about to yell at him for doing so until she starts feeling the fabric on the dress. Roger: (off-stage) Try that one on. Jessie: (CC) In this part, Roger agrees to let us stay and he lends us some dresses to wear, as he's hiring us to be bar waitresses while we hide out. Naturally, this is the portion of the skit where I fall in love with him. Jessie walks on stage towards the table in her red dress, which is similar in design to the dresses Faye and Chi-Chi are wearing... but her chest really doesn't stick out that much. She walks up to the table and taps the man on the shoulder, who turns around to face her. Jessie: I'm Jessie, your bar waitress for this evening... how may I serve you? Man: How about a little fun before I drink? He grabs Jessie's arm and tries to reel her in close enough to grope her. Jessie screams for help... which sends Roger running in immediately. Jessie: (CC) Why did we even decide to do this? It's not my style! Roger: (CC) Jessie doesn't have the best dialogue in this, but she's faring well with what we've got. Jessie: (CC) Don't they even care? No about asked about my feelings when they wrote this up! From another angle, we see the man reach for Jessie again as he tries to grope her. Jessie: (CC) It's just not fair! = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Jessie screams for help... which sends Roger running in immediately. Roger: Hey, get off of my waitress, you scumbag! Roger grabs the man's arms and squeezes them until he lets Jessie go. Roger then drags the guy out of the seat and pushes him off the stage. A small stack of boxes sits on the left side of the stage. Mondo is hiding behind them. The man from the bar in the last scene appears, takes off the straw hat and slams it onto Mondo's head, tearing a hole right in the center. The man then takes off the poncho... and is revealed to be Kiyone. The audience can't believe it. Kiyone: Why do I even listen to you anyway? I'm the one who's supposed to be coming up with the plans around here! Mondo: But you never let me do anything! Kiyone: I can't believe you made me try to grope another woman! Mondo: But at least now you know they're all in there. Kiyone and Mondo appear, both with their guns drawn, pointing at Faye, Roger, and Jessie. Roger: What is the meaning of this? Kiyone: I'm Sheriff Kiyone Makibi from Baggerville, and this is my deputy, Mondo Ooya. Mondo: Now step aside or we'll take you in as an accomplice! Chi-Chi comes on stage, with her gun in her holster. Upon spotting Kiyone, she reaches for her pistol. Kiyone does so as well. Already predicting the next move, Roger leaps at Jessie, knocking them both down just as Chi-Chi and Kiyone fire at the same time. Faye: (barely dodging a shot) Aaaaahhhhh! Chi-Chi runs to the circular table on her side of the stage as Kiyone mirrors her moves on the other side. The gunfire stops briefly as Roger rolls off of Jessie. She then spots the hat she had bought about 15 feet away. She jumps up and makes a dash for it. Jessie: (CC) In this scene, I had just bought a hat for Roger as a thank you gift for saving me from the brute, who was Kiyone in disguise. But that's when things turn dark. Roger: Jessie! Gunfire erupts from both sides of the stage as several bullets hit Jessie in the neck, chest, and back. She falls to the ground, as blood starts rushing out of her body. Roger: JESSIE! Oblivious to the ongoing gunfight for just a few seconds, Roger rushes to Jessie's side. But he too is shot several times: in the arms and in the back. He falls to the ground, right next to Jessie. Jessie: (weakly) Roger... Roger: (gritting his teeth) Whatever happens, I just want to tell you that I care about you too. Jessie: (teary-eyed) Roger... With that, Jessie passes out. Kiyone, Mondo, Faye, and Chi-Chi slowly peer around the table and see Jessie and Roger down on the ground, both bleeding badly in the upper parts of their bodies. Kiyone slowly approaches Jessie and Roger, keeping one eye on them and the other on Faye and Chi-Chi, who are also approaching slowly. Roger: Jessie needs help fast, or it'll be too late! Kiyone returns her pistol to her holster, then runs over the last few feet to the two fallen humans. Kiyone: Her pulse is weak. She doesn't have much time. Chi-Chi puts her pistol away and runs over to help. Faye: Haven't you forgotten that she'll take us to jail? Chi-Chi: It's over, Faye. Faye: (pointing her pistol at her head) The only way that I'm going to jail is if I'm dead. Faye shoots herself in the head and collapses immediately. Chi-Chi: FAYE! Kiyone: Huh? Roger reaches over and gives Jessie a quick peck on the lips. He then turns to Kiyone as his body begins to give out. Roger: If Jessie manages to survive somehow... tell her that I love her too. Kiyone nods as Roger lies down on the floor and dies. The curtain falls shortly afterward, and the audience applauds their performance. The team itself is relieved that they're done. Keitaro: (CC) It's hard to tell if Roger and Mondo actually did throw the challenge, 'cause overall almost everyone on that team wasn't that good. ====== Tenchi: And now, the captain of our second team! Here's Cardcaptors' Madison Taylor! Madison walks on stage with a microphone in hand. She gets a lengthy round of applause before it quiets down enough so that she can start. Madison: Sometimes, a guy will do anything to ask a girl out on a date. In this skit, our lead character believes that knowing how to dance is the key to attracting a girl. Dancing's good and all, but something tells me that the type of dancing he's trying isn't exactly right for him. So sit back, relax, and watch as our lead makes a fool of himself in "Lord of a Dance," starring Keitaro, Bit, Joey, Melfina, Duo, and Jeri. The audience claps as Madison walks off of the stage and the curtains open up. ====== The curtain opens and the lights go up. Two chairs are set up at center stage, facing each other. In one of the chairs sits Joey, dressed in a white T-shirt and a pair of blue slacks. Behind Joey is a cardboard box, cut up to look like a television. Joey is staring at the screen mindlessly. Joey: I wonder when Bit's going to get home from his date. Bit: (off-screen) I had a wonderful night too. I'll call you later, okay? The sound of a door closing is heard. Bit walks onstage, dressed in a dark green polo shirt, black dress pants, and black shoes. The audience applauds Bit's entrance. Joey: How did it go? Bit: (looking up) Same as the others... she liked me, except for the fact that I couldn't dance worth beans. Joey: Maybe you should consider taking dance classes. The local community college offers several non-credit night classes. Bit: Then I guess I've got no other choice. I'll go down to the community college tomorrow and see if they have any openings left. Joey: That's the spirit! You'll be a dance maniac in no time! A humongous glass mirror is positioned behind a long horizontal wooden bar. Four individuals are currently on stage. Closest to the front is Duo, who is dressed in a white T-shirt and Robin Hood-like tights. The other three are lined up behind him, or in front of him, as he is facing them. They are all dressed in pink tutus. From right to left, it's Jeri, Melfina, and... Keitaro. Keitaro: (CC) For the good of the team, I subjected myself to some humilation. Unfortunately, I didn't realize just how much. Duo: Good evening, class. Keitaro: (pulling his skirt down) I think my outfit's too small. Duo: You didn't want to wear the tights, so you've got to wear the tutu! Keitaro: I can't wear this! Duo: You will shut up and stretch now, or you'll be doing the routine of death for the entire session! Melfina and Jeri lift their right legs up unto the bar... although it takes Jeri a little bit longer to do so. Keitaro tries to lift his leg high enough... but he fails, falling on his back. Melfina and Jeri try to contain their laughter, but find it hard to do so. Duo: Keitaro, what's wrong with you? Keitaro: Guys aren't supposed to do that! Duo: Do now, or routine of death! Keitaro turns back around and tries again. As he does, Bit walks on stage, dressed in a red short sleeve shirt and black tights. Duo: Ah, the new student finally shows his pathetic self! Bit: How can you stand these things, man? Isn't there anything else to wear? Duo points at Keitaro, as his face turns red from struggling to lift his leg. Bit: You're shitting me? Duo smacks Bit across the face, then points at Melfina and Jeri. Duo: No cursing in this class, especially with ladies present! Bit: (CC) Even if we don't win this, it'll be a riot to see all of those people laughing at Keitaro. Duo: You should all applaud yourselves today. You all did great. Except for you, Urashima! Practice harder or I cut you! Keitaro: Cut? But there's only four of us! Duo: Shape up or ship out! Keitaro grumbles as he walks off stage. But soon he reenters though to get his stuff. Bit: You okay, man? Keitaro: Why do I even take this class? Joey: (off-stage) Keitaro, baby! Keitaro: (turns towards the left side of the stage) Joey-kins! Joey runs on stage towards Keitaro. The two hug and then kiss each other on the lips. Bit just stands there, with his mouth gaping wide open. Audience reacts accordingly with gasps, moans, groans, and such. The other team can't believe it either. Faye: (CC) I can't believe they did that! You'd have to pay me a lot of money before I'd even consider kissing another woman! Duo: (CC) We actually did this to pick on Madison's nerves a bit, just for being a great coach and because we wanted to make fun of her. I hope she's a good sport. In the front row, Madison and Giselle share a 'no way!' look, as they were both kept in the dark about the whole scene. Bit: Why didn't you tell me you were gay? Joey: I don't find you attractive anyway. Bit: (gasps) You're bisexual? Joey: Not yet, but I'd like to be... as soon as Keitaro hooks me up with one of his girls. Keitaro: Consider it done! Bit: I've got to learn how to dance! Even if it kills me! ====== Fast forwarding to later on in the skit, where Bit is returning from going out on a date with Melfina. Joey: Why are you still in it if you can dance fine now? Bit: Well... um... Joey: You know how to dance. Why do you have to show off your skills dancing ballet? There are better places than that! Bit: But Melfina and the others... Joey: They'll do fine without you. Bit: I guess you're right. Duo runs across the stage, holding a sign that reads 'Saturday Night (a.k.a. Recital Time!)'. Off to the left side of the stage, Melfina and Jeri are chatting, both dressed in their tutus. Melfina: Where could Bit be? He told me he was coming! Jeri: Calm down... it can't be that serious. Keitaro walks in, dressed in his tights. Keitaro: Why are you two worrying about Bit? He won't be here anyway. Melfina: What do you mean? He's dancing tonight, just like we are all. Keitaro: (shakes his head) He said he doesn't need the class anymore. Melfina turns and runs across the stage, exiting stage right. Keitaro: (CC) Shame on Bit for running out on Melfina and the others! He should know that he's got a good thing going for her! Bit, dressed in his tights, is sitting on a bench alone. Bit: This IS the right thing to do. This ISN'T the right thing to do. Oh man... I can't decide! Melfina runs onto the stage, stopping in front of Bit. Bit: Aren't you supposed to be at the recital? Melfina: You are too, Bit! Why are you here in the park by yourself? It's not true what Keitaro said, is it? Bit: (turns away) I don't need to take the class anymore. I know how to dance now. Melfina: Then I guess you did this all for yourself. It was never about the recital, or the ballet dancing, or me... was it? Bit: What? Melfina: You never intended to do the recital, you never wanted to be a ballet dancer, and you surely didn't intend to pursue a relationship with me! Bit: That's totally untrue! Melfina: Really? Prove it! Bit and Melfina stare at each other's eyes as Bit contemplates his decision. Melfina: If you don't come back with me, then we can never see each other again. Is that what you want? The two continue to stare at each other for a little while longer. Bit then wraps his arms around Melfina's waist and leans over to give Melfina a kiss. The two teens' lock lips for what seems like an eternity, neither wanting to let go. The crowd whoops and hollers with excitement. After a few seconds, the two finally let go of each other, as they exchanged smiles of joy and relief. Bit: No. Melfina: What? Bit: What I want is to be with you, Melfina. Bit lets go of Melfina's waist and grabs her hand. The two trot off, hand in hand, stage right. The lights go out and the curtain drops to the ground. The audience applauds happily. Kiyone: (CC) I'm amazed that Keitaro did such a great job. I think that his team won this challenge, no doubt. Duo: (CC) We got this in the bag, no matter if Roger and the other team did throw the challenge or not. ====== The two teams, all still dressed in their costumes, stand on stage with the curtain behind them. Tenchi is at center stage as the audience awaits the judges' decision. Tenchi: We're now going to hear the judges. Judges, please tell us which team you think should be tonight's winners. Sakuya, we'll start with you. Sakuya: Wow, what a tough decision to make. Kiyone's team did a very good job in making sure their gunfight was fun to watch. But then we have Keitaro's team. (laughs) You really had me believing that. Everything Keitaro's bumbling to the on-stage chemistry between Bit and Melfina. I have to give my vote to the brown team. Lifting up a two-sided card, which is completely brown on one side and green on the other. Sakuya holds up the brown side for all to see. Tenchi: One vote for the brown team. Next, we'll hear from Spike. Spike sits up in his chair and glances at the stage, obviously uninterested. Spike: I don't know why I'm sitting here. These last ten, fifteen minutes have been nothing but a waste of time. Okay, thirty, whatever. Anyway, I have to go with the brown team on this one, and there's only one reason why. Honestly, I've seen better gunfights in my sleep. I should've figured that your team was a bust from the start, Faye. Faye growls angrily to herself as Spike raises the brown side of his card. Tenchi: Two to nothing. Let's see what Ayla has to say. Ayla: Team two in "Lord of a Dance" did an outstanding job! Their characters were well thought and played out, and the actors were hilarious. But the thing that REALLY convinced me was the two gay guys -- the perfect touch to a heartwarming love story. Although "Saddle the Secret" brought tears to my eyes when Jessie died, the second team is definitely more deserving of my vote! Ayla also holds up the brown side, making the vote three-nothing. Tenchi: Thank you, Ayla. Chromus, what... Ayla: Oh, and do you think you could get Duo out here in those tights just one more time? Pretty please? Duo steps out from behind his team, still wearing his tights. Ayla squeals with delight and applauds him as he takes a bow, just for her. Tenchi: Okay, now that we've embarrassed Duo just a bit more, what do you think, Chromus? Chromus: As I know the feeling of love, I was attached to both performances in different ways. However, one team surprised me with their strength and emotions, and a few surprises to say the least... especially Jessie, who performed excellently as if she knew what winning was like all this time, and Faye and Chi-Chi performed outstandingly, but full marks to the team captain Kiyone, for her in your face performance and performing double time. I love comedy, but tragedy is better if done the right way, and because of that, my vote goes to Kiyone's team. Chromus is the first to show the green side of a card in the air. Tenchi: Dorothy, although we know its a forgone conclusion already, how did you vote? Dorothy: All I did was vote for the team that deserved the most pity. And with that, Dorothy raises the green side of her card. Dorothy: I didn't see any romantic interaction at all in their skit. Maybe next time, they'll know how to do it right. Roger: (to Kiyone) I can't believe she did that! Kiyone: (to Roger) You should know her better than anyone. She lives with you. Tenchi: And so, by a vote of three to two, no matter how it was achieved, the brown team has won the 'Love Diaries' challenge. Keitaro and his team share high-fives and hugs for their victory. Tenchi: But the green team did a great job tonight as well, so let's give both them and our winners a big round of applause! The audience gives both teams a standing ovation as the team members shake hands with each other. Kiyone: (CC) The best team won the challenge. And I'm happy for that. Good work, Keitaro! Keitaro: (CC) Hey Naru, I won! I know a lot more about love than you think! Jeri: (CC) We acted our hearts out tonight. We couldn't have done better. Faye: (CC) This'll be one night that I'll never forget. Not after what Joey and Keitaro did. ====== Later that night, with the cast already back at the mansion, Tenchi sees Madison and Giselle off as they leave from the community center in a limosuine. Tenchi: Thanks for all of the help, girls! This couldn't have been a success without you two! Giselle: It's nothing that I couldn't handle. After all, I'm just Giselle! Madison: Giselle says thank you, Tenchi. So do I. Giselle: To you the truth, I had fun here tonight. Madison: Me too. Me too. As the limosuine departs, the two girls leave us with some final words of wisdom. Madison: It's going to be Duo in the end. You saw how that judge adored his performance. He'll win the money. I just know it! Giselle: As if. I see Kiyone in the winner's circle. She was the only one who played her role perfectly on her team. She had fun doing it as well. And it's that kind of attitude that'll win her the money. Madison: I guess we'll never know. Giselle: Oh, we'll know. In about two and a half weeks. The limosuine then disappears from sight, heading towards the Osaka airport. End Episode Eleven Tenchi: (VO) Next week, we've got a new episode of Roomies... Kiyone: Let's go out and have some fun! Tenchi: (VO) And a special bonus as well... Keitaro: Why does it feel like I've seen this before? Tenchi: (VO) First up, the love bug hasn't left just yet... Jeri's Puppet: You miss her, don't you? Jeri: Let's just say that I've grown up a little the past week. Faye: (CC) It's nice to be at a club or bar without him for once. Duo is lying down on his bed, with Melfina resting her head on his stomach. Duo: This is the life, isn't it? Tenchi: (VO) Chi-Chi's gonna change that in a hurry... Chi-Chi: We have to get them to change rooms! I'm worried that they've already slept together. Keitaro: (CC) Duo and Mondo are such traitors. Roger: I'm ending this relationship! Melfina sits in the confessional room, being completely quiet for some reason. Tenchi: (VO) Friends or enemies, it won't matter when they're on the run... Mondo: (pulling one way) Go this way! Jessie: (pulling the other) No, this way! Wufei: Come out and show yourself, woman! Mihoshi: (with an out-of-control laser rifle) This thing won't stop, please just get out of the way! Tenchi: (VO) Then, in our special bonus... Joey: I don't know about this. Bit: We're going where? Tenchi: (VO) The Roomies get an early reunion... Jessie: $250,000! Think of all of the expensive clothing and food I could buy! Roger: It's days like this that make living worthwhile. Tenchi: (VO) As they turn in their handcuffs for combat fatigues... Duo: The dogs! How dare they have Tokyo as one of their targets! Jeri: They can't hit Tokyo! My family lives there! Jessie: Duh. Paintballs are flying in the air as the team heads into battle. Chi-Chi: We've got to stop them at all costs! Melfina: You know, you shouldn't mock the terrorists. Tenchi: (VO) Join us next Tuesday for a new episode and a bonus to boot! Don't dare sleep on it! Things are peaceful at the lookout tower, where Keitaro is taking a little nap. But the silence is broken when the sound of a large artillery cannon being fired fills the air, scaring the pants off of Keitaro... literally. Additional Author's Notes: Remember at the beginning of this episode where I said I try to limit these to 20 pages per episode? Guess what... I'm on page 24 as I type this. So you should be all so lucky that I included as much as I did. Still, most of the stuff that happened in the skit had to be left on the cutting floor! People on the mailing list have been filled in with the full script, but those of you not on the list are out of luck! You're missing out on numerous events that got dropped, including Faye and Chi-Chi wearing corsets and a small scene parodying the famous movie "Save the Last Dance!" Special thanks in this episode goes to Ayla and Chromus for contributing as judges for the challenge. I also thank them for being patient with me and even responding quickly, seeing as how I did not send them the skit scripts to make their decision until last night! Speaking of which, the challenge's result was already predetermined long in advance, so the final vote score would be determined by how Ayla and Chromus were going to vote. Madison actually got a treat too, but it wasn't seeing Jeri in a costume she made. Of course, that would be great too, but I was referring to the little joke Joey and Keitaro played on her by kissing each other in the skit. As I mentioned last episode and all of last season while she was part of the girls' crew in Reedington, she does have an affinity for Sakura. Joey and Keitaro decided to play on her emotions by having a same sex kissing scene. It wasn't the main kiss of the skit, but it got more than noticed! Let's see, we talked about Ayla and Chromus, but how did Sakuya, Spike, and Dorothy grab the other three judging spots? I did this to pick on Tenchi... giving him three judges that had shaky and/or unclear relationships. I think it should be easy to figure out, but given that most of the non-American fans might not have seen "The Big O" or "Cowboy Bebop," I won't spoil anything for them. I'm assuming that they have seen "Tenchi in Tokyo" though. We've got a doozy next week! First, it's our regular episode, with a new batch of cameos helping out in a challenge that is similar to one done in another reality series a couple of years ago. Then, "Roomies 2" crosses over... halfway around the world for a little surprise competition with the cast of another reality series. Yep, you know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you don't. Check out my 'favorite stories' listing on my profile page and you might find it. Or, if you're lazy, I'll announce the crossover on my own profile page on Monday! If you loved the shootout in Kiyone's team's skit this week, you don't want to dare skip next week's episode! There will be so much gunfire, you'd think that we're in the middle of a war!